Farouq Baturen Shanu's comment thread on TwoCents

http://twocents.space/comment_thread-farouq-umar-96464/

Farouq Baturen Shanu

Momma's Boy @ Abubakar Tafawa Balewa University Bauchi • Bauchi • 1 day, 15 hours ago

<p>A little teeny tiny little bunch of suggestions, and I'm being nitpicky here:</p><p>Zainab's emotional state needs to be felt more. I feel like it would hit much harder if you were less narrative and more descriptive with the emotions. Maybe describe something like how red her eyes had become, or how she looked as though she had aged from grief. Something that'll make it much more visceral to show how devastated she is. I feel like that'll be more effective. I'm loving the story so far.</p>

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