A day at a time - by Obikaeze Precious

“A Day at a Time”Suicide.I can hear you say it—how bitter it sounds nowcoming from my own mouth:“It will be okay.” but how can I say thatwhen someone I lovedfelt leavingwas the only answerto life’s problems? How does that leave me? I am sad—but I can’t cry.I can’t make a sound.Still, I hear your words,words not meant for me,echoing louder than silence. How could you leave this worldand leave me like stone—numb, unmoving,forgotten in the aftermath? I stood above you,above your headstone,and for the first timeI saw how fragile it all is—hope, dreams, ambitions…how quickly they disappear. I forced myself to cry that day,but nothing came. Does that make me a bad friend? Some said I was strong.Some said I was real.Others whisperedthat I wasn’t enough. But I felt nothing—not one tear,not one ounce of pain,just emptiness,like I had driftedinto another universe, waiting for youto jump out laughing,to say it was all a joke—a staged act. But you didn’t. And the next day,it finally found me—you weren’t coming back. I broke in the dark.I couldn’t breathe.I would have shared my oxygen with youif it meantyou could take your placein this world again. Tell me—are you free now?Are you happy?Was death the answeryou were searching for? Because from here,the world looks dull,and life feels heavierwithout you in it. That night,I gasped your namelike it could bring you back.But the weight stayed—unbearable, crushing. And I called it my punishment:for not seeing the signs,for not pulling you backfrom the edgeyou stood on alone. I’m sorryfor how your mind betrayed you,for how it made you feelso small, so worthless. I’m angryat the cruel hands that took you—the silence, the darkness,the thing we cannot fight. You would have been unstoppable.You would have shinedif you had stayedjust a little longer. Can I move on? Sometimes I wonder—if death is freedom,if it is peace,would I follow you? Would I let it take me too? But I know—this life is not mine to give away. So I stay. Even when it hurts.Even when it feels impossible. I’m sorryI have to leave you there,my friend…but I’m trying. I’m learningto live without you, one breath,one step,one broken dayat a time. --- Grief doesn’t always look like tears.Numbness, silence, and emptiness are just as real as crying. Not crying does not make you a bad friend. Guilt is a common companion in loss.The “I should have known” feeling is powerful—but it doesn’t mean you failed them. Pain can be invisible, even to those who love deeply. Love doesn’t end—it changes form.The questions you ask, the memories you hold, the ache you carry—that’s love still existing, just without a place to land. Wanting to follow them is part of the pain, not the answer. Your decision on choosing to stay isn't selfishness it is one of the strongest feeling in us—you recognize that your life still matters, even in the hurt. Healing is not moving on—it’s moving forward.“One day at a time” is not a cliché here it's survival, and it’s enough. It hurts, I know but moving on shows how strong you are, I miss my dear x but I know you wouldn't want me to hurt for too long....

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