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76
A Language Everyone Speaks Except Me
<p>There’s a very strange feeling that comes with realizing you no longer know how to keep people.</p><p><br/></p><p>Not because you are wicked.</p><p>Not because you hate people.</p><p>But because somewhere along the line, relationships started feeling like manuals everybody else received except you.</p><p><br/></p><p>You begin to overthink simple things.</p><p><br/></p><p>“How often am I supposed to call?”</p><p>“Am I disturbing this person?”</p><p>“Should I text first again or wait?”</p><p>“Is this how friendships die?”</p><p>“Was I too distant?”</p><p>“Too available?”</p><p>“Too quiet?”</p><p>“Too much?”</p><p><br/></p><p>And the funny thing is, nobody teaches you these things. People just expect you to know.</p><p><br/></p><p>So you sit there confused when someone slowly stops talking to you.</p><p>You replay conversations like a detective investigating a crime scene, trying to find the exact moment everything changed.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes you convince yourself you are better off alone.</p><p>But then certain moments expose you.</p><p><br/></p><p>When something funny happens and you reach for your phone but realize there’s nobody you naturally want to tell anymore.</p><p>When you hear people talk about “their people” and you suddenly realize you don’t know if you still have yours.</p><p><br/></p><p>The hardest part is that you still crave connection.</p><p>You still want genuine friendships.</p><p>You still want relationships that feel safe and effortless.</p><p><br/></p><p>You just don’t know how people are doing it.</p><p><br/></p><p>It feels like everybody mastered a language you somehow forgot while growing up.</p><p><br/></p><p>And because you don’t know the rules anymore, you start moving carefully around people.</p><p>Not cold.</p><p>Just unsure.</p><p><br/></p><p>Unsure how much of yourself to give.</p><p>Unsure when to open up.</p><p>Unsure if people actually stay or if everybody is eventually temporary.</p><p><br/></p><p>So sometimes you disappear before people can leave first.</p><p>Sometimes you act unserious because sincerity feels dangerous.</p><p>Sometimes you isolate for so long that replying messages begins to feel like a full-time job.</p><p><br/></p><p>And the scary part?</p><p>The longer it continues, the more clueless you become.</p><p><br/></p><p>You start forgetting how natural friendship is supposed to feel.</p><p>You start feeling like an outsider watching everybody else connect effortlessly while you struggle with the basics of human closeness.</p><p><br/></p><p>It’s not loneliness exactly.</p><p><br/></p><p>It’s confusion.</p><p>Confusion wrapped inside silence.</p><p>Silence wrapped inside “I’m okay.”</p>
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