A Prelude To Absence - by Moonchild

<h4>How do you lovewhen leaving is already written?</h4>I let you in,though I swore I never would again—I swore strangers could stay strangers,that the journey from one empty face to anotherwas enough to fracture me.Yet here you are.And here I am,a body made of shadows and the echo of your name. I wanted to touch youand I felt the weight of absencein every breath between us.I wanted to hold youand the ghost of goodbyesat heavy on my chest.I cannot stop it.I cannot stop myself from wantingwhat is already slipping away. The laughter we sharedrings now like shards of glass.Every word you speakis a promise I cannot trust.Every smile, a reminderthat I am counting the daysuntil your absencebecomes the only thing I know. I crave you,and hate myself for it.I reach for you in my mindand find only shadows.I trace the lines of your facein memory,in the spaces between memoryand death of touch.Your scent lingersin the folds of my sheets,in the air that moves without you,in the hollow cornersof rooms that now remember you better than I do. I close my eyes,and it is you again—or it is just the memory of youtorturing me,reminding me of what cannot last.I am alone with you here,and still you are gone.I speak your name to the walls,to the quiet room,to the nothingnessthat answers only with silence.And the silence is sharp,and it cuts deeper than anything you have ever done. How do you lovewhen every heartbeat is a countdownto the moment your hands leave mine?When every word, every brush of skin,every glanceis already a prelude to grief?I taste your absencelike metal on my tongue,like bitter ash,like fire that refuses to leave its mark. I remember everything:the weight of your hair,the tremor in your voice,the warmth that was minefor a brief, unbearable instant.I remember,and it kills me,again and again.I am dying slowly,in increments,every time I allow myself to remember.I will not forget.I will not forgive the futurethat steals you from me. I will carry this longinglike a wound that never closes,like a shadow I cannot outrun.I will learn the exact shape of your absence,and it will become my language,my prayer, my sentence. I will love youeven as love becomes a chain,a slow fire that consumes all else.Even as grief becomes my companion,as longing becomes my shadow.Even as the world movesand you move,and I remainhere,trembling,marked,haunted by what cannot be held. And when the nights are longand the air refuses comfort,I lie awakewith your absencepressed like a blade to my ribs,and I count the ways you have left mebefore I count the ways I will survivethis endless, unrelenting ache.

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