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Quietly Loud
Creative Writer | History Student | Learning People and Processes @ Lagos State University
Creative Writer | History Student | Learning People and Processes @ Lagos State University
BETWEEN DESIRE AND DOUBT
<p>Ade. Bolu. Samuel. Meerah.</p><p><br/></p><p>Different names, same silent war.</p><p><br/></p><p>It usually begins with a thought, a spark of arousal that comes uninvited, yet almost impossible to ignore. It builds, settles into the body like tension needing release. And before they know it, fingers are swiping, searching, surrendering. The screen lights up with scenes that promise satisfaction. A few minutes later climax… then regret.</p><p><br/></p><p>Guilt creeps in. The questions follow.</p><p><br/></p><p>“Why did I do that again?” </p><p>“Why can’t I control it?” </p><p>“Is it wrong to feel this way?” </p><p>“Would God still love me after this?”</p><p><br/></p><p>They’ve heard it before that sexual desire or arousal is natural. But how can something that feels so natural come with so much shame?</p><p><br/></p><p>It’s not always about lust. Sometimes, it’s loneliness. Boredom. Curiosity. Fantasy. For some, it's the dream of someone tender and safe, the imagined warmth of being wanted and held by a partner who makes them feel both physically alive and emotionally seen.</p><p><br/></p><p>But afterward, the quiet is loud. The guilt is louder.</p><p><br/></p><p>They go again. And again. </p><p>Delete the tabs. Close the app.</p><p>Try to forget. </p><p>Try to stop. </p><p>Try.</p><p><br/></p><p>But what if the trying never ends? </p><p>What if the guilt stays longer than the pleasure? </p><p>What if this is more than just desire? </p><p>What does God really think of me now?</p>
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