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Student @ LAGOS STATE UNIVERSITY
Dealing with the Loneliness, Filling the Void
<p>Beloved Reader,</p><p>You might not know me but...</p><p><br/></p><p>I've never really been alone in my life.</p><p>I was born into a family of six.</p><p>Even when I came to the university, I was not alone</p><p>My older sister was here, waiting to hold me by my hand and walk me through the rules of this new world. </p><p>We shared the same room with my cousin</p><p>We were a happy trio.</p><p>We laughed and cracked jokes, shared jokes no one outside the family could understand.</p><p>We shared secrets</p><p>We talked about a lot of things that no other person must know about.</p><p>We were so close-knit, inseparable.</p><p><br/></p><p>So that's why I lost my mind</p><p>That's why I sat, barely clothed on the cold floor everyday as I cried my eyes out .</p><p>Till my body ached.</p><p>That's why I screamed, until my throat was dry and scratchy.</p><p>That's why I felt unbearably cold and alone when my sister graduated.</p><p>Yes, I would still see her if I went home</p><p>That's why I wanted to go home,</p><p>Run away from it all.</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>So it felt good when the warm thick liquid drooled down my skin as I pressed the cold sharp object firmly against the sole of my feet and drew a line.</p><p><br/></p><p>I felt a strange sense of satisfaction as the pain coursed through my body sharply.</p><p><br/></p><p>My body eased, the warmth and sting left me feeling a sense of companionship </p><p><br/></p><p>When I was thinking of a place to do it, I didn't want a place anyone could see</p><p><br/></p><p>I definitely didn't want my thighs </p><p>Never my thighs.</p><p><br/></p><p>My thighs which he would bury his face in and savour the fleshiness</p><p>No, I won't ruin it for him</p><p>So I chose the sole of my feet</p><p>Hidden.</p><p><br/></p><p>Everyday, I ponder on what the state of my mind would be when my cousin graduates.</p><p>Maybe I'd just give it all up.</p><p>This education thing.</p><p>And go home to be with my sister.</p><p><br/></p><p>Except I won't be able to go home.</p><p>I'm supposed to be a lawyer.</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p><p>But now, as I search for the scars of my pain.</p><p>As I bend, strain and crane my neck to study the criss cross lines from which the crimson liquid dripped out.</p><p>All I see is a blank slate.</p><p><br/></p><p>Nothing.</p><p><br/></p><p>There are no lines</p><p>Not even one</p><p>There's no proof of the pain I caused to feel satisfaction.</p><p><br/></p><p>Then I realize...</p><p>It was all in my head.</p><p><br/></p><p>I wouldn't do that to myself.</p><p><br/></p><p>Would I?</p>
Dealing with the Loneliness, Filling the Void
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Phayvour
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Phayvour
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