DEAR SALARY, I'M SORRY. - by Princess Chronicles

"You're late again."Bisi froze.Those three words were becoming painfully familiar. She looked up at the office clock.9:07 a.m.Wonderful.Seven minutes late.Again. Oh chim! She forced out an awkward smile as she hurried to her desk."Bisi, welcome o!" Tolu called out from across the office. "At this point, we should reserve your chair till 9:15 every morning." A few people laughed.She laughed too.What else was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to explain that she was coming all the way from Ikorodu to Victoria Island every single morning?That she had been awake since 4:00 a.m.That while everyone else was still turning to the other side of the bed for "just five more minutes," she was already standing at a bus stop, praying the first bus wouldn't be full. Because in Lagos, one missed bus can be you missing out on a one time opportunity. It's another bus missed.Then another.Before you know it, your entire morning can be ruined before the sun has even fully risen........Her alarm had screamed at exactly 4:00 a.m.How she wished she could tell it, "Abeg, can you please let me breatheeee" Instead, she reached for her phone, stared at the ceiling for a few seconds and whispered the only prayer that made sense at that hour. "God... abeg." Outside, the streets were still quiet.Inside her room, her body was negotiating for five more minutes of sleep. Her inner thoughts replied,"No, Bisi.. Except you want query." She dragged herself out of bed.Quick bath.Clothes already ironed from the night before.Bag on her shoulder. Power bank?Check.Office ID?Check.Wallet?Check. Hope?She would find it somewhere on the road. By 4:45 a.m., she was out of the house. The streets were slowly waking up.The buses, unfortunately, were never asleep. "Oshodi! Oshodi! Two more!"The conductor's voice could wake the dead. She squeezed herself into a bus that had obviously reached its carrying capacity three passengers ago.Yet somehow...Four more people entered.Till today, she still doesn't understand the physics behind Nigerian buses. The woman beside her was balancing a handbag, a lunch bag and a child who had clearly not forgiven the morning. Behind her, another passenger was already arguing with the conductor. "Conductor, na ₦1,000 I give you.""I no get change.""You never get change yesterday. You still no get am today?" Bisi smiled.Some things in Lagos are more consistent than sunrise. By the time she finally got to the office, she had changed buses three times, stood for almost two hours, skipped breakfast, answered two work calls on the road and silently questioned every life decision that had brought her here. The workday hadn't even started.Yet somehow...She already felt like she had completed a full day's work. Finally.The office.Or, as Bisi liked to call it...Her war place. She had barely dropped her bag when her laptop came alive.17 unread emails.One wanted a report before close of business.Another had URGENT written in capital letters, as though the keyboard itself was shouting. Three meeting invitations were already waiting patiently in her inbox. Bisi blinked.She hadn't even removed her ID card from her neck. "Bisi..."Her manager's voice floated across the office."Can I see you for a minute?"Everybody knows those seven words can shorten your lifespan. She adjusted her shirt, inhaled deeply and walked into the office. The room was quiet.Too quiet.Her manager looked up from his laptop."We need to talk about yesterday's report." Bisi's heart skipped.For one dramatic second, she mentally drafted her resignation letter, imagined herself packing her desk and even wondered whether the akara woman outside was hiring. Five minutes later, she walked out.No query.No sack letter.Just three corrections and a fresh assignment. As soon as she sat down, Tolu rolled his chair closer. "So..."He lowered his voice."You survive?" Bisi dropped her head on the table."Barely." Tolu laughed."I don already tell HR to leave your name on standby."She laughed too. Because if she didn't laugh...She might actually cry.The day gathered speed. Emails flew in faster than she could reply.Meetings became meetings about previous meetings, only to schedule another meeting to discuss what had already been discussed. At one point, Bisi genuinely wondered whether people actually worked......or simply attended meetings about working. Then came the sentence every employee fears."Bisi, just one small adjustment." Small?She sighed, reopened the document, cracked her fingers and started all over again. By the time she glanced at the clock...It was 2:18 p.m. Her stomach protested immediately.It had been filing complaints since 11 a.m. She had simply ignored them.She reached for her phone. The food vendor's WhatsApp status was the first thing that greeted her.Rice & Chicken – ₦3,500.She stared at it for a few seconds, zoomed in as if the price would suddenly change, then locked her phone. "So... garri, na you go win today." Tolu looked over."You dey calculate food again?"Bisi smiled."I'm not calculating food.""I'm calculating survival." "You accountants sef..." he laughed. "Everything na calculation."If only he knew. By 3:00 p.m., another email landed.Then another.Then another.One colleague needed a file "urgently."Another wanted help with a spreadsheet.The printer suddenly stopped working.The internet decided it deserved a lunch break too. Someone shouted from the other end of the office,"Who touched this document?"Silence.The kind of silence where everybody suddenly became innocent. Corporate offices have a special talent.Nothing is your fault......until it somehow becomes your fault. By 5:30 p.m., Bisi had attended four meetings, replied countless emails, corrected the same report twice, smiled at customers she wanted to avoid, and nodded through conversations her brain had stopped processing hours ago. Her body was in the office.Her mind had already entered tomorrow. Finally...Closing time.One by one, chairs rolled back.Laptop lids closed. "See you tomorrow!""Safe journey!" People disappeared into the Lagos evening one after another. Bisi wasn't excited.Closing time didn't mean rest. It simply meant...Round Two.Another queue.Another bus stop.Another conductor screaming destinations like his life depended on it.Another bus carrying twenty people that somehow managed to accommodate thirty-six.Another argument over change."Conductor, my change nko?""I say I no get!""But na my money be that.""Oga, if you want complete change, carry POS follow body."The entire bus burst into laughter.Even Bisi laughed. Lagos had a funny way of making people laugh through frustration.Traffic stood still.Nobody moved.The cars weren't driving anymore. A journey that should have taken forty-five minutes slowly stretched into almost three hours.By the time she got home, the sky had already surrendered to the night.She kicked off her shoes.Dropped her bag beside the couch.Collapsed without even changing her clothes.Her feet ached.Her back protested.Her eyes felt heavier than her handbag. For a few seconds...She simply stared at the ceiling.Then her phone vibrated.She glanced at the screen. "Oh..."A slow smile escaped her lips."It's the last week of the month.""Ope o!" Salary Alert.Finally.She sat up immediately. She opened her banking app.There it was.The number she had been waiting for all month. She smiled."At least, I can breathe." Then reality cleared its throat.Rent.Transport.Data subscription.Electricity bill.Cooperative deduction. The loan she promised herself she would clear last month.Her younger brother had already sent a message earlier."Sis, abeg... I need ₦5,000 for handout." Her mum had called the previous night."The gas has finished." Before she could even finish doing the maths...Debit Alert.She sighed.Another one.Debit Alert.Another one.Transfer successful.Another debit.Another deduction. Everybody was already waiting for their own share. Within minutes...The excitement disappeared.She looked at the balance left in her account.Then she laughed. Because, for the first time, something finally made sense. All these years...She had been celebrating her salary.When she should have been calculating what remained. Salary is a lot like revenue.Revenue tells you what came in.It doesn't tell you what stayed. Transport had taken its share.Food had taken its share.Rent wasn't left behind.Data collected its own.Even peace of mind.. By the time life finished making its deductions... The real question was no longer,"How much do I earn?"It had become,"How much do I actually keep?" She smiled again.This time, differently. "Oh...Dear Salary...I'm sorry." Earning money is one thing.Keeping enough of it to build a life is another. So let me ask you...If you calculated the true cost of earning your salary in money, time, energy, health, and peace of mind.Would you still call it a good deal?

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