Descent - by Talib Anibaba

Mind my spelling mistakes and wrong use puncuations.I woke up the same chiming every day, the sound of my alarm going off. I opened my eyes and looked up at my plain white ceiling, raising my head to look at my same old bland room, everything perfectly in the exact same place.I layed back on the bed and sighed, as the daily morning intrusive thoughts start flowing in my head. It wasn't like the thoughts gave me a break in the night. I bearly get enough sleep as of late.I stride to get on my feet and off the bed to start the same daily routine I always go through, took a shower, brushed my teeth, got dressed and ready for another abysmal day at school. The same old routine.I go down stairs after getting dressed with my backpack. As I reached the bottom of the stairwell I could smell eggs, what my mom normally made on Mondays. Not my favourite thing to have for breakfast but who was I to complain.I got to the dining where my little brother was across the table who was already eating. His report cards and art magneted to the fridge which I opened to grab some orange juice. The only thing I really enjoyed.The jug was empty.I looked to my mom who was taking the last of it. I gritted my teeth alittle. It wasn't even hers, I thought, as the juice was something I bought using my own pocket money.I couldn't even talk back cause I'd just be shouted at and it'd just end with my in bruises.So I skipped breakfast and decided to head to school, taking my regular route through to school as usual, going through the forest area near the grand cliff that was near our town.My intrusive thoughts constantly telling me one thing over and over again when I'm near that cliff, honestly I feel one day I'll listen to it, but as for now that's only thoughts.Getting to school it was still the same soul sucking building as it was om Friday, the same energy that makes my intrusive thoughts thrive.Me getting bullied was the first thing I always experienced as I entered the school, same old bullies pushing me around and messing with my hair and throwing my things on the ground, laughing cause they've never got nothing better to do.But again who was I to talk.When the bell rang they started to leave and so I started to pick up my things when someone reached to help me pick up my things.Thats different.I looked up. He looked like a beam of light. I'd seen him so many times around the school but seeing him up close face to face I looked....I felt my face turned warm and I start to feel my hand shaking.I stared back down at the floor and picked up the rest of the things as I thanked him and ran off.I didn't know what just happened. All I could hear was my head filling up with intrusive thoughts again. It turns out we have similar classes but never met each other.He weirdly started sitting near me today, it was different. I didn't know how I felt about it.But my nerves were on fire and my face was still feeling warm.Was I sick, I thought.I just didn't like the feeling only because I didn't know what it was. Over the course of a month i grew close with him and I started to understand my feelings and that I was into him.I told him I had feelings for him. He said he felt the same but said we should keep our relationship a secret. I was ok with it.Two weeks passed and I seemed to be getting better. My intrusive thoughts seemed to have reduced. I've started getting happier and everything seemed to be looking up for me.Then it was prom night. I wore my best dress and Heels. I waited for him looking around and then saw him dancing with a girl at the other side of the auditorium. I went to meet him. He saw me coming and looked pale.I complimented his outfit and said hi to the girl beside him and asked who she was. He hesitated but then said she was his prom date.I looked at him. I knew exactly what was going on. I could tell. The expression on his face gave everything i needed to know. I went ballistic and started shouting.Are you afraid of them finding out about us.You stood me up cause of your pride.Is this why you wanted to keep our relationship a secret cause you are afraid of what ppl would think about you.He tried to tell me to keep my voice down and wanted to grab my hand.I pulled away.Don't fucking touch me.I stormed out of the auditorium. I ran out of the school. It was raining but I didn't care. My intrusive thoughts were filling up again. I was tired, tired of everything and everyone. I ran to the forest. Every fucking breathe felt like hell and my head telling me how screwed I was and how stupid I was to think anyone would truly love me.The breeze blew hard. I finally stopped walking. I was on the edge in two ways: the edge of my sanity and the edge of a cliff.The cliff, my intrusive thoughts attracted me towards. I knew that if i went back home videos about prom would have been uploaded on tiktok and if my parents saw them i was screwed. Even if I survived them, how would I survive school after that incident. I knew I was screwed so what was the point of hanging on.I took a closer step towards the cliff.It's better this way.My feet felt the air.....

Other insights from Talib Anibaba

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons