How I developed a personality test Obsession; why I won't fix it.

It's getting obsessive. I would say I'm going to only some lengths to do a new test or discuss it further. Still, I am thoroughly captivated by tests and exercises that I can do and get feedback on some portion of who I might be. The first type of personality test or literature I encountered was a book about four temperaments and how they blended into each individual uniquely. I know now there is a difference between temperament and personality. Still, I took it as sacred knowledge at the time - I was hooked. I ran with it all the way. I investigated my entire family and then my friends individually - no one was safe from my probes. The appeal of these tests and studies was simple; I could take shortcuts to find out who exactly I was - who doesn't want to know that? I could also do this for many people in my immediate circles. I took it upon myself to learn just why each person about me might be acting strangely, adequately, or for the sake of it; I just wondered why they were the way they were. So my first personality test wasn't a personality test; that would come later. Along the way, I might have done one or two I forgot - might have even taken zodiac signs seriously for an afternoon there - but eventually, the Myer Briggs 16 personality test rocked my world. It felt like someone who had been spying on my every desire came through and slammed answers right in my face. "here you are, in the fine print. Your exact person codified in detail like never before", they would have said. I took that lengthy test with many expectations, which did not disappoint. "Architect", it said. The test declared I was an INTJ, a turbulent one, and this was one of the essential pieces of information I could get on the internet at the time. You see, many people don't care about things like this. I was puzzled when I found this out a lot later. Still, this summation of my person was like a sit-down with the counselor telling me I was exactly where I needed to be. INTJ meant I was an introvert; I was pretty intuitive, spending time deciding on what things might be, and I was more in touch with my thoughts than my emotions. The J part says I judge or make more fixed decisions about things rather than letting them be. The site offered me summaries and shared findings about people with this particular arrangement of traits. That last part is where it became different for me. Before this test and all its detail, I mainly wanted to know who I was for the sake of self-actualisation or clarity (at least in an explicit sense), but now, this test was a very rough map. I could understand in a vague sense why I didn't like certain groups of people, why all the friends closest to me were logicians (INTP ), Debaters (ENTP) or other members of a section described as analysts. I held on to the test result quite loosely till I finished my second degree and had another go. This time I was an Advocate. INFJ. I found this just as fascinating because I realised what I must have known intuitively; personalities can be fluid, especially with traits closer to median values. So my map moved from INTJ to INFJ. All the fictional, historical and contemporary characters I had earmarked as references had to change slightly. I stayed INFJ for two years till I came across more credible studies on personality. I took a course recently delivered by Jordan B Peterson on what was defined as the Big Five personality traits. In each of us, to measure, the traits of Openness, Extroversion, Conscientiousness, Neuroticism, and Agreeableness exist in bespoke levels of intensity. The combinations are infinite. It gets even more detailed. Openness is broken into openness to experience and intellect; extroversion into enthusiasm and assertiveness; conscientiousness splits into orderliness and industriousness; neuroticism into volatility and withdrawal; agreeableness is divided into compassion and politeness. I would share all the intricacies of the test or my particular results if it were manageable. The depth, however, drew me to this specific personality test. Furthermore, the research favours the choice. Most scholarly articles on personality assessments cite the big five more than any other testing version. So far, I've established my obsession and shared details of two of the most telling versions of my person. However, I have yet to tell you why - The benefits that keep me engaged with this obsession. I'll wrap up here. Say you're on the edge of a vast forest - unknowable to you. In this forest, dark and ancient, there are predators guarding treasures. There is nourishment, of course, because this is the way with forests. When you leave this forest on the other side, you will have completed a quest with the utmost satisfaction, ready to take on the next quest in your wake. A guide is the best thing you can get before going through such a place. The next best thing is tools with particular uses. You might look to your side and see a fellow traveller with a shovel while you have a knife. He'll have advantages with that shovel; your knife will do you some specific good. Approaching these sorts of forests is how we tackle different portions of our world. Each respect is an unknowable forest. You approach your job selection, relationships, and self-fulfillment like great unknowns because they manifest themselves this way. In this analogy, that knife versus that fellow traveller's shovel? Those are your bespoke personality traits; they come with a rough map through these obstacles, and I strongly believe in knowing what I'm working with when I stand against predators that may be. Know what you're working with on the edge of life's forests. When I wonder what job to take or why there's social anxiety, I remember this is normal; I'm high in openness, so I look to be creative; I'm not very agreeable, and my social batteries will give out too quickly because I'm pretty introverted. Among other things like IQ and factors beyond my control, I stick to this slight obsession because it's a low-resolution map of the universe I inhabit.

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