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I didn't forget.
<p>I don’t talk about it much.</p><p>Not because I’m okay…</p><p>but because the words feel too heavy to carry out of my mouth.</p><p>I was a child.</p><p>Small hands.</p><p>Small voice.</p><p>But my body wasn’t small.</p><p>He saw that.</p><p>He used it like an excuse…</p><p>like size meant consent.</p><p><br/></p><p>I don’t remember everything…</p><p>My mind protects itself.</p><p>But I remember the silence.</p><p>His weight.</p><p>How the air felt too thick to breathe.</p><p>How my voice disappeared before I could use it.</p><p><br/></p><p>Everyone around me continued life normally.</p><p>School, neighbours, noise, laughter.</p><p>And it's sad that some Adults don’t notice when a child suddenly stops laughing.</p><p>They think children are always fine.</p><p><br/></p><p>Years passed.</p><p>People said I changed.</p><p>Calmer.</p><p>Quieter.</p><p>More careful with touch.</p><p>But Nobody asked why</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would have been</p><p>if that day never happened.</p><p>If my childhood wasn’t something I had to escape from.</p><p><br/></p><p>For a long time, I blamed myself.</p><p>I replayed it in my head thinking I could rewrite it.</p><p>Maybe if I pushed.</p><p>Maybe if I screamed.</p><p>Maybe if I ran.</p><p>But I didn’t.</p><p>I froze.</p><p>My body chose survival over movement.</p><p><br/></p><p>People think forgetting is easy.</p><p>Like trauma fades with time.</p><p>It doesn’t.</p><p>It just becomes quieter.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes all it takes is a smell, a voice, a closed door, a hand on my shoulder —</p><p>and suddenly I’m back there,</p><p>Young again,</p><p>silent again.</p><p><br/></p><p>I didn’t forget.</p><p>I never will.</p><p>I don’t know what healing looks like. Because </p><p>Nobody prepared me for the kind of pain that grows up with you.</p><p>More present than parents </p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe one day it will hurt less.</p><p>Or Maybe it won’t.</p><p>I’m not pretending to be strong.</p><p>I’m just… here.</p><p>Silent because I stutter when I try to speak </p><p>And most times</p><p>"I'll be fine" is the only sentence I know how to finish.</p>
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