I FEEL LIKE - by Oluseyi Vandy

It's a funny observation I've come to notice. During discussions on topics, when asked for opinions or presented with certain facts, people tend to reply with I feel like. While feelings are good and sometimes healthy. It is not a way to go through life because feelings can be false. A situation can occur and because you internalize and interpret it, the contexts may get colored by your feelings, rather than the actual events that happened. E.g. (S)He shouted at me, when (s)he could have called me to the side, I feel so embarrassed or disrespected. The events: yes, (s)he did shout at you. Yes, (s)he could have called you to the side, it is a likely event or action that could have been taken. The context: You could have been misbehaving in a way that they needed to correct you in public to show others, 'that type of behavior is not tolerated.' You may (probably) have overdone it or struck a nerve in that individual, so they had to rebuke you publicly. I set this example to show that the point of correcting someone is to put in their view their mistakes, to teach, but sometimes it's not only the wrong party that the correction teaches. As humans, it is normal to feel ashamed and guilty when corrected like this. We tend to clam up and become defensive. Note that the fact of a wrong committed then shifts to focus on how you should have been treated. Which is, in a way, telling someone you offended how you feel they should feel or react to the offense. I am not encouraging abuse or saying going overboard every time is right, because again, there are contexts and variations to things, but we live in an era where everyone has an opinion, especially how others should treat them, and is in a hurry to let everyone know. Everyone is talking, but very few are listening, and because very few listen, most never get the message or take correction. Feelings are an excellent tool. They tell us something is out of sync or not aligned. Anger can be a signal that someone is taking you for granted, or you're being cheated. Fear can be a signal that you are entering a new territory that is unfamiliar and so you have to be careful so you leave unscathed. In this stage, your senses of observation are on high alert for self-preservation. Depression can be a signal to let you know who you think you are (your idea of self) and how society sees you, or the situation you are currently in is not aligning. All these feelings are not wrong, but if you just always feel them without acting in the right way, or utilizing them well, it will either burn you out, eat at you, or cause you to self-sabotage. In the same way, you can feel irritated, and angry, but hold your tongue, or feel like you are not qualified but rise to the occasion, feelings can be true but not always right because feelings change in reaction to something. While truths or facts just are, not because you think they are. My feelings do not change the pull of gravity or the heat of the fire. Now planes can fly because of certain elements, but it does not mean that gravity is a lie, just suspended. In the same way, someone can train their mind to endure the pain of fire does not mean the fire isn't hot. In discussions, the use of the word "I feel like" is sometimes used to avoid reality or stating facts, to dwell on or hold tight to the opinions of individuals. Feelings are real to a person and if you try to ignore said feeling and follow facts, it can quickly become an emotional blackmail of invalidating someone's feelings and experience. Though it is understandable under certain conditions, we seem to forget that others also feel and have experiences. If we always dwelled on it, we wouldn't be able to get anything done as a people and society. Do you think Feelings should dictate solving problems or not? Feel free to state your thoughts.

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