Insufficient! - by Tobi Igbinedion

I met a young man this evening in a shared ride, first it was Arsenal that got us talking. He saw my Screensaver and said "Bro, this season pain me o..." I chuckled and responded in kind. Then we talked about work, and what our motivations were for going through the Lagos grind day in day out. For sure I said the fancy stuff...oh I'm looking to get married soon, but I feel I'm not financially there yet. I'm juggling a couple of things and one of them is bootstrapping a Startup. With how it's going, things would change drastically and very soon, a lot of things are falling in line. He nodded and commended me, just as I had wanted. Then it was his turn to share, and I was not prepared for what I was about to hear. "I'm doing this for me", he said. "When I think about it, I've spent a bulk of my life trying to impress, trying to match up, fit in, or live up to expectations. My dad gave me a mentally torturing childhood. He never failed to insinuate that I didn't have his brains. I never seemed to do anything right, I kinda felt I was the child he never wished to have. I tried all I could, though, I just wanted someone to be proud of me, at least my family. I remember one day, having a math test. My teacher came across to see what I had been so seriously writing. He laughed and called me a Mathematician. I got home that day, told my mom with mush excitement, hoping it would make her smile. Whether she did or not, I don't remember. What I remember though is that the test results made me realize he was mocking me. At a point I lost every sense of self-belief, I had dated someone who was my true source of happiness. Didn't know she was merely enduring. One time, on my birthday, she compared me to someone else, said she wished I was as fun as he was. Gosh! On my birthday!! Was no surprise how I begged her at a bustop in Ikeja, the night she broke up with me. I was in tears, but she laughed and called our love "that thing". I felt a sore feeling. One close to death. I'm feeling better these days though, I found a church where I made some friends and I now teach in the Sunday school. We're nothing out of the ordinary, just feels great to know there are people who look forward to seeing me every week. You know this is the best kind of feeling.I now want to be happy,I want to do much more, but this time not for anyone, but myself." I reclined and thought, someone I had just met gave me so much within such a short time. Interesting that I understood his feelings and that's why I thought to put together this piece. Sometimes we try so much only to end up feeling insufficient. I hope anyone who feels same would realize that you deserve to love and be loved. Just allow for love to happen. If you liked this piece, let me know, otherwise, I'd be around still, just like the wind.

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