IT'S DEEP, DEAL WITH IT - by Favour Nwaoru

One of the most frustrating habits men have is how easily they dismiss women’s pain with a casual “It’s not that deep.”It’s said like a conclusion, an ending Not a question, not an invitation to understand.But here’s the problem: pain doesn’t stop being real because someone else finds it inconvenient, unfamiliar, or uncomfortable. Men often describe themselves as “simple,” “low-maintenance,” or “not emotional.”But when simplicity comes at the cost of empathy, it is no longer a personality trait, it’s emotional laziness.You cannot ask someone to understand your silence while refusing to explain it.You cannot demand patience without offering clarity.You cannot withdraw emotionally in the name of “protecting your peace,” then be confused when the people around you feel shut out. Many women are expected to translate moods, decode silence, soften conflict, and carry emotional conversations alone...until they get tired.And when they do get tired, they’re called dramatic, loud, hormonal, or difficult. It’s interesting how women are rarely taken seriously at the start of discomfort.But the moment their voice rises, their tone hardens, or they finally step back, they’re accused of “overreacting” or “leaving without warning.”As if the warning wasn’t the months of being ignored.As if silence didn’t have a beginning. Another uncomfortable truth:Some men want the title of a boyfriend without the responsibility of one.They want closeness without accountability.Access without intention.Forgiveness without change. They treat relationships like proof of status, not spaces that require care.And when women ask for consistency, clarity, or emotional effort, it’s framed as “wanting too much.” But access is not a right.It is a privilege, a responsibility. There’s also the habit of using women as emotional waiting rooms: places to unload stress, anger, frustration...without any willingness to do the work of self-reflection or growth.Advice is requested, then ignored.Support is accepted, but never reciprocated. And when a woman finally says, “this hurts,” the response is still the same:“It’s not that deep.”But if it wasn’t that deep, it wouldn’t still be carried.If it didn’t matter, it wouldn’t be repeated.If it wasn’t heavy, it wouldn’t require so much silence to survive it. The issue isn’t that men don’t understand pain.They understand consequences perfectly, at work, with other men, in systems that hold them accountable.What they struggle with is accepting that harm without intent is still harm.That comfort is not morally neutral when it costs someone else their voice.That dismissing a woman’s pain doesn’t make it disappear, it just teaches her to suffer quietly.And eventually, quietly turns into distance.Not because women are cruel.But because they’re tired of explaining why their pain deserves to be taken seriously.

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