Life Lately 😪 - by Quietly Loud

It’s been a minute 🌚 since I posted here, and honestly, I’ve missed writing a lot. Today, I don’t even have a proper theme. I just want to rant. Yes, full-on rant. Because life has been moving fast, everything is happening at once, and I’ve just been trying to keep my head above water. This past month has felt like five months packed into one, and the truth is, I’ve been everywhere and nowhere at the same time. We resumed a new session recently, and trust me, it came with heat. As if trying to reset my brain for a fresh semester wasn’t enough, our results decided to start dropping back to back just before resumption. You see that moment when your heart starts beating anytime someone says, “Check your portal”? Yeah, that was me. People were wailing, screaming, rejoicing… everything. I opened mine one day and just paused. I literally whispered, “God abeg, this cannot be me.” Because the grade I saw? It didn’t look like anything I remembered writing. I even refreshed the page, just to be sure my village people weren’t behind it. It’s funny now, but at that moment? Not so much. Even with the result stress, I’m still thankful. Because if I compare myself to last semester, I can boldly say I’ve grown. First semester, I was that student who would open books the night before the exam. No shame in my game. And somehow, I still managed to pass. People would ask how, and I’d just smile like it was normal. But I knew I could do better. So second semester, I tried to be more intentional. I started surrounding myself with friends who actually take academics seriously, and that helped me level up. Still, it’s not easy. Laziness is real. This semester, every time I try to read, I either get sleepy or lose interest after five pages. I’ve realized I’m more of a visual learner documentaries, YouTube videos, audio summaries those are my go-tos. Because once I open that textbook? Sleep go just press me like remote. Now let’s talk about business because omo, that one na another chapter. The moment we resumed, it was like everyone around me was suddenly an entrepreneur. The department group chat turned into a marketplace overnight. Somebody’s selling perfumes, another person is selling Tote bags, one girl even advertised live chicken. "LIVE. CHICKEN". In a university WhatsApp group. I had to read it twice. I started wondering if I was the only one not doing something with my life. You know that feeling when it looks like everybody has found their “thing” but you’re just there floating? That’s exactly how I felt. It was giving, “Lord, show me the way.” I do have a skill, I crochet. I’ve been crocheting for a while now, and back in Rivers State, where I used to live before moving to Lagos, I had a small business going. Orders weren’t consistent, but I had customers. Moving to Lagos though? Everything switched up. I had to start from scratch. Crocheting itself isn’t cheap, yarn is expensive, the time investment is serious, and most students aren’t willing to pay the value of handmade work. Everyone wants “something fine and affordable” and I totally get it, but it makes business hard when you’re trying to survive. So for now, I’m in this limbo where I’m not sure whether to push my crochet again, learn something new, or just focus entirely on school and figure things out later. Honestly, that’s been my life for the past one month. Confused, slightly overwhelmed, trying to hold it together while figuring things out. Some days I feel like I’m on top of everything, and the next day, I’m just tired. One minute I’m planning how to build my business and the next minute I’m staring at clothes I haven’t washed in two weeks. Life is lifing. But I guess that’s adulthood, right 🤷🤸?

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