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336
Many paths to a market
<p><br/></p><p>You guys met the dark part of me.</p><p>The part that is always negative. While that part is not a lie, it is not the whole of me. It is just a planet in the big universe that is me.</p><p>Growing up, I learned from my mother that “one part does not lead to the market.”</p><p>So I became many paths that lead to greatness.</p><p>I am a student. Sometimes I tutor.</p><p>I am a crochet artist.</p><p>I am a hairstylist.</p><p>I am also a fashion designer.</p><p>I am a writer.</p><p>I work as a salesgirl in a sneaker store, and I am currently thinking of selling bags.</p><p>Recently, my life has been constantly tiring.</p><p>I go to work, and I crochet there.</p><p>Sometimes I make hair beside the store.</p><p>I have not gotten a sewing machine yet, so fashion designing is on hold, but sometimes I borrow a machine.</p><p>I have neglected writing for so long, but I am trying to ease back into it.</p><p>The reason I work so hard is so my children will not have to work multiple jobs when they are my age.</p><p>My social life is a mess, and I am surprised I still have friends. I am constantly busy and barely reply to texts, not intentionally, I assure you.</p><p>My mental health is surprisingly intact. I am always too busy to think.</p><p>My emotions?</p><p>I only ever feel tired, angry, and hungry.</p><p>The rest… they are dormant.</p><p>I have a lot of things to accomplish this year, so I do not want to slack. But deep down, I am tired.</p><p>Still, I keep telling myself not to stop, because if I do, this weight will fall on my children.</p><p>When people ask what I do for fun, I reply:</p><p>“I crochet, I watch movies, and I eat.”</p><p>Movies help pass the time when I am crocheting.</p><p>Food, because I refuse to die now.</p><p>My fingers cramp.</p><p>My back aches.</p><p>My neck might fall off soon.</p><p>But I cannot stop.</p><p>I do not even want to think about stopping.</p><p>Whenever I am not crocheting, I feel like a part of me is missing.</p><p>Whenever I am idle, even when I am resting, I feel uneasy.</p><p>My friends say I am hardworking, which I used to like.</p><p>Until one of them said,</p><p>“You are going to break yourself. You used to be happier.”</p><p>I am not sad now.</p><p>Just numb.</p><p>And numb is not a good feeling.</p><p>I am a little rusty. This is my first write-up this year.</p><p>I promised myself I would see it through, and I did.</p><p>I do not know why I wrote this, but I did anyway.</p><p>I sincerely hope my efforts pay off, because I cannot afford for them not to.</p><p>Thank you for your time.</p><p><br/></p>
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