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294
Student @ University of Abuja
Nine Times You Said My Name
<p><strong>Last year, my body declared war on me.</strong></p><p><strong><br/></strong></p><p> It was not an illness, it was a coup. I became a prisoner in the failing state of flesh and blood, conducting a silent exhausting war within the borders of my own skin. </p><p></p><p>I was erased. I was not a person. I was a bill that kept growing. A number that grew heavier every passing month. I became something expensive to keep alive and a sinking cost to the people I love most.</p><p></p><p>And then, death came feasting. </p><p>It did not come for me, it came for my people. One by one. Bit by bit. It ate them whole leaving me with the sickening sounds of chewing. Grief was no longer an emotion , it was a soundtrack.</p><p></p><p>I began to disappear in every way a person can. No! This requires the right word because words failed me then and I won't let it fail me now.</p><p></p><p>This wasn't loosing weight, that's for people on journeys, the <strong>before</strong> and <strong>after</strong> with a smile attached to the <strong>after</strong>. So no, this wasn't loosing weight, this was erosion.</p><p><br/></p><p>I saw my own bones emerge like the ruins from sand. My clothes hung to a frame that was forgetting how to be a body. The landscape of my mind was next. I could feel the fertile soil of my creativity and joy diminish.</p><p></p><p>A little less body everyday.</p><p>A little less mind everyday.</p><p>I was not becoming someone else, I was ceasing to be.</p><p></p><p>During the darkest times, my hands still moved and I sent my words out into this digital void. And nine times, from the community of Twocents, a voice called back. </p><p><strong>We see you.</strong></p><p></p><p>Nine times.</p><p>Through nominations that felt like miracles.</p><p>You said my name.</p><p>You did not say the name of the patient.</p><p>You did not say the name on the bill.</p><p>You said my writer name.</p><p></p><p>So, last year ate. </p><p>It ate my people. </p><p>It ate me.</p><p> Gram by gram. </p><p>Thought by thought. </p><p>But it didn't eat the word in my hand.</p><p><br/></p><p> I'm still here. </p><p>A little thinner, but I'm still here and the words are still in my hands.</p><p></p><p></p>
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66
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