Rest in Peace....? - by Anita Koske

This weekend I snapped a photo with a friend, and as automatic as it was for me, without thinking, I clicked share, to send the photo to a dear one, and the realization that I could not share it because he is no more hit so so hard.It took me back to January when we had received the news of his passing. Death is even more painful when it happens at the beginning of the year, when we are so full of plans. The immense pain, days of grief and sadness, thinking that you have moved on, then it creeps back at you at unawares, the feeling like it was just yesterday is something I got accustomed to, that one never really stops grieving, it is a wound that stays with you, that you learn to live with it.Grief is just love that has nowhere to go, so they say. “It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” - Jamie AndersonThis quote puts together all the waves of emotion I went through. It was a rough start to the year, and the most painful part? Life continued as usual, and it hurt so much that it did, but it is the reality.Grief is not hollow like they say, it is heavy and downing and full. It is not the absence of someone you have lost. It is a combination of it all, the love, the bitterness, the bittersweets, all wound up together like a tight ball of yarn.People say you will go through the 5 stages of grief….Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. I did not. I cycled through them all, quite often, actually. Time heals everything doesn't apply to grief, you only get used to it. Especially in adulthood, when you understand the weight that death comes with, so heavy, I cannot put it in words. Unfortunately, it is something that eventually happens, so you may ask then what's the point of it all?I remind you to love the people you love, love so hardly, show love, make time for the plans, do not put the urgent over the important, you will regret. In the end, all that matters is the love shared, memories created, use your time thoughtfully, and for anyone grieving, or when it knocks on your door, remember it is all the love you want to give, which will then have nowhere to go. “I understood then, the immense honor it is to hurt like it does. To have loved someone so much that the taste of maple syrup can make you cry and laugh at the same time.” - Emily Henry

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