SHOULD THERE BE LIMITS TO WHAT MARRIED COUPLES CAN DO SEXUALLY,OR IS MUTUAL CONSENT ENOUGH?

If both spouses say yes, should the law ever say no? Marriage has no constitution, but it does have a conscience: dignity before desire. A marriage licence isn’t a licence to do anything. Where does “my body, our business” end and state intervention begin? Two views exist. One says mutual consent is enough. The other says some acts are off-limits even if both say yes. We must test both against law, ethics, and Nigerian reality. *THE CASE FOR MUTUAL CONSENT* This view rests on bodily autonomy. John Stuart Mill argued government should only prevent harm to others. If two adults agree, no one else is injured. Nigeria’s law against domestic violence agrees: marital rape is rape. If “no” means no, then “yes” must mean yes. Marriage is also a private contract. Two adults trade loyalty for legal rights like inheritance. Sex in marriage is a private matter. If both consent, outsiders have no reason to interfere. Disgust is not proof of harm. The baseline is simple: consent plus no clear harm. *WHY CONSENT ALONE FAILS* But no contract is unconditional. Thinkers from Aquinas to modern scholars agree: consent gained through lies or threats is invalid. No one should be used as a tool. Martha Nussbaum, who studies how power affects choice, adds that unequal power ruins real consent. If one spouse depends on the other for money or housing, “yes” can be forced. If “submit to your husband” is preached and the wife has no bank account, her “yes” may come from fear. True consent must be informed, freely given, and you can walk away. If “stop” means homelessness or shame in church, that is not consent. That is compliance. *THE LIMITS AND A CLEAR STANDARD* Some “yes” decisions cause injury. Kant said dignity is not for sale. We ban duels and hard drugs for the same reason. If sex routinely leads to hospital visits, it becomes a public health issue. Nigerian law already sets limits. Sections 214 and 215 of the Criminal Code ban specific sexual acts like anal intercourse, consent or not. Consent does not override harm to children, unwilling third parties, or public humiliation. Government gives marriage legal benefits because it stabilises society. If the bedroom destroys both spouses, society has a stake. Use three tests: - *Freedom*: Was “yes” free of threats? Can “stop” actually stop things? - *Harm*: Is there risk of injury, infection, or trauma? - *Legality*: Does it break the law or drag in others who didn’t agree? Fail one, and consent alone is not enough. Nigeria lacks sex education and counseling. You cannot consent to risks you don’t understand. For many, marriage is a covenant before God. That is fair, and the state can’t force worship. But your covenant cannot police another’s contract. Consent is your signature, but dignity is the verification. Without dignity, the agreement fails. Vows say to hold, not to hold down. The best limit is honest talk: What feels good, what feels scary, and what happens if one of us says no next week? Couples who can have that conversation don’t need the state in their bedroom. Those who can’t are why the debate — and the hospitals — haven’t closed.

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