The Alcoholic Suitor - by Favour Umoakpan

Ada's POVI once had a serious suitor whom my grandma liked so much because he was very courteous. Dude was the General Manager of a popular food brand but he would park his car whenever he saw my mum at the market. Rolling up his sleeves, he would single-handedly carry all her purchases from her different customers and drive her home. Naturally, my people felt he was a catch but I knew better. Guy could close a brewery down. The first time he visited me in school at Benin, He called to inform me he was in a bar at Adolor. A bus-stop just before my hostel. I screamed!  He told me to calm down. That how come I didn't tell him this place was such a tourist destination. In the background, I could hear strange boys hailing him and calling him Baba Aláye etc. For declaring free drinks. By the time he staggered to my hostel, I knew I wasn't about this life of dating a walking distillery. So, I cut him off. Sharp sharp. He went back to Lagos to report me to my folks. Grandma was miffed. “All men have vices,” she said while chewing her kolanut. Is he not generous, respectful and hard-working?"Learn to manage it."  True. But so was my father’s goat, and it still ended up in pepper soup. Against my better judgment, I gave him a second chance.            *************************      Huge mistake! On our second date, the brewery minister came bearing gifts for everyone. When my mum and grandma opened the contents, it was various assortment of alcoholic drinks. Baileys etc. No milk, biscuit or even the ubiquitous Nigerian fare- Bread. Not even his share of his company's monthly provisions. But they kwechiri'd. Shebi na dem dey find husband for me. Baba drove me to a bar again! This time, I insisted on fine dining. Like a fish out of water, he kept gasping at the ambience of the serene environment. Claimed it was too calm for his liking and all their alcoholic beverages were below 40%. Afterwards, he still wanted us to go to a bar for relaxation. That caused a massive f1]ght. He accused me of not compromising, I told him to compromise himself into therapy. At home, warned everyone to mind their dam.n business and not entertain him again else they will have it from me. He called Grandma, to report me again. Lied to her that he had stopped drinking just because of me but he wanted us to go elsewhere because he had some business deals there. Also said he doubted I would make a submissive wife because I didn't allow him take the occasional sip. Grandma asked him to come in person so they could mediate. Informed them he was bringing some gifts. Guyman arrived. Bearing the gifts as promised. But when my staunch teetotaler mother and grandmother sighted the content of the gifts once again... They went... 😡🔪

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