Things I Shouldn't Say - by Ayanfe Adeogun

Look…Let me tell you, you’ve got beautiful eyesI’m painting a picture, you’ve got beautiful handsAnd a beautiful voice and ethereal skinAnd quite a pretty face, it’s astonishing to me Like…I’m glad I didn’t know you a couple years backAnd I’m also angry that you had to know me nowI’m also angry that you had to know me nowCah I’m not the person you should be aroundCah I’m not the person I think you’d deserveCah I’m still becoming the person I want to beAnd I think you deserve the finished version of me And that hurts me so much cah I have so much to sayAnd that hurts me so much cos there’s so much I can’t sayMy chest is burning but I’ll endure the painI used to think we’d be better off this wayI told myself I won’t speak to you againSo you wouldn’t tempt me into writing something like this, but I failedYou see, I’m talking to you again, My heart’s beating fast again, So I guess there’s something I have to say I’m painting a picture of you and meWe’re smiling and laughing happilyIt’s the middle of the day and the sun is shining on usYour skin reflects in it’s light and I’m suddenly lost…In the sight of your smile, and the sound of your laughThis picture in my head, it’s driving me madIn a good way, but then I wake up, realize it’s a daydream, and then I get mad Like…I really want to know you, not just superficiallyWhat makes you laugh, what makes you smile,What makes you tick, what makes you sickWhat your goals are, your dreams are, what do you hope to achieveAnd how do you want to live your life, do you want kidsAnd a husband inside a big house, with a little swing set at the frontAnd also, a couple other things that I forgot…To ask, but I’d know because we’d talkA lot, we’d talk a lotAnd I’d write you songs, and poems, and tell you every secret you want to hearBecause with you I’d lose all my fearsThey’d disappear, and then I open my eyes and the picture disappears Like…I guess what I’m trying to say is I want to talk to youBut then I’d send a chat and I won’t know what to doI guess what I’m saying is I don’t know what to say to youWithout accidentally leaking the things I shouldn’t say to youWithout my heart running ahead of meAnd prying open my lips, making me say All the things I fight to keep myself from sayingBut I’m writing this any way, So I guess what I’m actually trying to sayIs that I think about you a lot, And it overwhelms me a lotSo much so that I can’t keep it inside anymoreSo in other words…I like you

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