To the Crush I Never Dated

I didn't know when I moved into the compound. Not really. You were just a face that passed mine occasionally. A polite wave. A casual glance. One of those quiet presences you acknowledge without paying too much attention to. I never imagined you’d one day take up so much space in my mind and even more in the spaces of my heart I didn’t know were waiting for you. I was still adjusting to my new environment, trying to find rhythm in unfamiliar silence. And then...out of nowhere....you asked for my number. Nothing dramatic. No build-up. Just a simple request. A neighbor thing. I thought it would be a one-time conversation. But that small moment turned into something I never saw coming. And then you moved out. You left only a few days after. I thought it would all just fizzle out .... another contact saved in my phone without meaning. But instead of fading away, you stayed. You lingered in the softest ways. You started reaching out. A text here. A call there. Slowly, we grew into something that never had a name but had all the weight of something important. Then came that day, the day we went to clean your new place together. I don’t know why that day meant so much to me, but it did. Watching you move through your space, letting me into the corners of your world, even just for a moment,made it feel like I belonged somewhere I hadn’t yet earned. The broom in your hands. The sweat on your forehead. The quiet laughter we shared over dusty memories. It was nothing to you maybe. But to me, it was a beginning. After that, we got closer. Too close for my own good. I started coming around , sometimes in the afternoon, but mostly at night. Especially on the days when sadness hung over me like a wet cloth. I’d come to your place without words for what I was feeling. And you never demanded explanations. You simply let me be. You gave me space to breathe. You gave me peace without pretending to be my savior. That in itself felt like a kind of salvation. And somehow....in those moments when nothing was said, everything in me started turning toward you. I fell. Quietly. Slowly. Painfully. Without permission. Without warning. It wasn’t the kind of falling that crashes all at once. It was the kind that creeps up on you like music in the background, gentle and consistent until it becomes the only thing you can hear. You were steady. Present. Kind in a way that felt personal. And though you never made promises, I began to wish for more. But then there was her. You spoke about her with a softness I could not ignore. Her name slid off your tongue like a rhythm you had memorized. I watched your face when you spoke of her. Your smile gave you away. It was her. Not me. And yet ,I stayed. I stayed in the space between friendship and fantasy. I stayed in the little corner of your life where I could be useful but not chosen. I stayed because I couldn’t bear to lose the nearness, even if it cost me clarity. I watched you laugh at her messages. I watched you hold your phone like it held parts of you I would never get to touch. I hated how I felt. Jealous. Small. Replaceable. And yet I still showed up. Again and again. Then came that night. The night everything shifted. We kissed. It was not rushed. It was not expected. It was soft. So soft that it felt like something fragile blooming between us. For those few seconds, I let myself believe that maybe ....just maybe...you felt it too. That maybe all the things I had buried beneath silence were also beating inside your chest. But the kiss brought questions. Not peace. Because I didn’t know if it was affection or desire. I didn’t know if it was warmth or want. I didn’t know if I was finally being seen or simply being touched. The way your eyes met mine afterward — there was something unspoken there. Something tender. But also something fleeting. I searched your silence for answers. I found none. You didn’t say you liked me. You didn’t say you didn’t either. You just let things be. And so did I. Because maybe I was scared to know the truth, that it was never love. That it was never going to be. That I was a convenience when loneliness came knocking. And yet — I didn’t walk away. I kept showing up. Kept hoping for more. Kept wondering if maybe I meant something to you in a quiet, secret way. But deep down, I knew. I knew what it looked like when someone loved openly. I saw it in the way you talked about her. I knew what it felt like when someone wanted to stay. And you.....you were never mine to keep. Still — I don’t regret you. I don’t regret the way I let you in. I don’t regret the nights I sat on your floor, trying to piece my heart back together while pretending I wasn’t falling apart. I don’t regret the warmth you gave me, even if it wasn’t wrapped in love. Even if it was just kindness. Even if it was just momentary. You were never mine. And yet you were everything I didn’t know I needed. You were the crush I never dated. The boy I dreamed about in silence. The name I wrote into poems I never shared. The almost that stayed longer than most realities ever do. And if you ever think of me , if a part of you ever wonders what we were — I hope you know this: I loved you. Quietly. Fully. Without demand. Even if all I ever got from you was a kiss and a memory. Even if it was never love for you. Even if it was only lust. Still… I loved you. And that, I’ll never deny. Bibi writes🖤

Other insights from Bibi Ire

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons