Vengeance: A fatal Addiction

“My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die”. Stirring words from an aggrieved man sworn to correct an affront that had been thrust upon him. These words, spoken in the classic movie “The Princess Bride” would not bring any feelings of disgust or ridicule from any audience. An injustice has obviously been committed and the scales must thus be balanced.Consider though, the peripherals; should Mr. Montoya be successful with his quest what would happen to his enemy? Would his children or other dependents then be justified in balancing the scales once more upon Mr. Montoya? At what point does it stop?How long does this cycle go on before everyone forgets what exactly the initial conflict and everyone only know the fight?Mao Zhedong.Joseph Stalin.Adolf Hitler.All addicts of revenge who used their compulsions to gain power and drive millions and billions to irreparable harm.Chairman Mao tapped into the rage and desire for vengeance of the Sino people after the horrors they experienced during both the British colonial rule and their poppy trade and the depredations they suffered under the brutal boot of the imperial Japanese during World War Two.Stalin fostered the revolution started by Lenin into an unstoppable juggernaut using the downtrodden proletariat as a sword against the bourgeoisie, beginning a regime of brutal and unjust repression. Hitler used the fear and anger of the German people who felt unjustly punished for the actions of their leaders in the First World War to gain prestige, influence and finally, power. He then plunged the world into years of conflict and horror it would take decades to somewhat recover from. A hunger that ever devours, a pain that is never assuaged, a wound that ever festers. That is the result of falling into the trap of fulfilling every desire for revenge.According to respected researchers such as Dr. James Kimmel Jr. (A lecturer of psychiatry from the Yale school of Medicine), studies and research from respected labs all around the world have shown that revenge can be a true addiction on par with cigarettes, sugar and even cocaine. Once one falls into the alluring pool, it is incredibly difficult to free oneself from the churning waters. Causing actual withdrawal symptoms when these desires are not fulfilled.The portions of the brain that fulfilling vengeance activates are eerily similar to those lit by drug addicts when they succumb to their fix. Those same studies also showed that just like more well established addictions, the addiction can start small from tiny actions, such as speaking maliciously speaking about the one who hurt you behind their back. A small activation in that neural cortex was shown even with such an innocuous act of harm to the person.These small actions release a tiny amount of dopamine (The reward hormone) in the brain, which makes one subconsciously desire that which caused the pleasurable feeling once again. Over time, one becomes inured to such small doses and seeks bigger and bigger rewards. At the same time psychologically you would delude yourself with several reasons why you need to escalate, maybe you’d tell yourself that you are just acting to teach them a lesson or this is just you delivering the justice they deserve.It is a vicious cycle.A slippery slope.Into a bottomless abyss.How do we navigate that slope and prevent ourselves from falling into that cavernous chasm?A simple yet difficult to implement answer: Forgiveness.Those same studies referenced before showed that even the act of mentally forgiving a wrong, can help halt and reverse that revenge addiction. When the afflicted party lets go of that burning desire to hurt the perpetrator of the injustice, it was discovered that a healing of the mental wound began. This held true even when the victim didn’t actually tell their tormentor they had been forgiven.Just the act of pardoning the wrong done, can balm the hurt.It is incredibly hard to do sometimes, especially for hurts that cut deep. Let’s do a mental exercise that perhaps might help.Imagine whatever wrong or pain you have endured as a small ball. Imagine your rage, pain or fear as your hand clenching that ball as tightly as you possibly can.Then slowly, but surely, using your other hand if you have to, let go of the ball one finger at a time. Let the ball forever drop to the floor.This may not work immediately, and the negative feelings may flair up time and again, but you can always repeat the exercise as many times as it takes.Remember, forgiveness does not mean putting yourself once more in harm’s way. Just because you have forgiven the snake for biting you, does not mean you will put your hand anywhere near its fangs. You are not wrong for avoiding that which brought you pain. It is an entirely human response.Now a warning, this is NOT the case for abusive households. Please, if you find yourself in a relationship of any type where you are abused physically, psychologically or emotionally, GET OUT. Once you are free from that bondage, then you can then start the process of healing of which forgiveness is part.Once again, just because you have forgiven them, doesn’t mean you should go back to them. Also, just because you have forgiven them, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t seek justice against them.The difference between justice and vengeance, the malice. One seeks to ensure the scales are balanced, one seeks to enjoy the pain you afflict on another as a way to soothe the wound of your own injuries.Seek justice, not vengeance. Forgive, maybe not for the sake of them, but for yourself. For Forgiveness is healthier than vengeance. Love yourself… as only you can. Stay Blessed.

Other insights from Adah Unobe

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons