“We Are Not Here to Be Used and Discarded”

It was a Tuesday evening. I went to get my little sister’s bag fixed and I bumped into a mallam. We ended up having a conversation. How far Mallam, I wan repair this bag, how much be amMallam: I dey oo. Na for your pikin abi I stood there wondering who he was referring to because I have never even dreamt of having a child, let alone one already attending school. Me: Baba, I no get strength for this one oo. No be my pikin, na my sister bag. Abeg how muchMallam: One thousand Me: Ahh why nowMallam: Nobody fit do am like me I agreed with him because he is truly one of the few craftsmen I know who does excellent work. However, he charges high because he understands his worth, something many people are ignorant about. Me: Baba you dey charge too much oo. One thousand too much for this small bagMallam: How much be one thousand for this time. You fit use am chop belleful now Me: True oo. I fit chop with one thousand. Rice five hundred, spag two hundred, meat two hundred, pure water one hundredMallam: You think say na canteen food I dey chop I began to wonder what exactly he eats. Mallam: I fit spend eight k for one meal I was completely dumbfounded. Me: Baba you dey lie. Eight k for one meal howMallam: Na so I did a quick calculation in my head and realised that meant he spends nothing less than twenty thousand naira daily. Me: That means you dey spend nothing less than twenty k every dayMallam: YesMe: How you take dey eat like this with this workMallam: I dey make nothing less than two hundred k some days. I dey work as gateman, dem dey pay me ninety k every month. I still get side hustle for Ikeja, dem dey pay me nothing less than one eighty I was shocked and could hardly believe it. Me: Baba you suppose dey save now. Why you dey chop like this. You no get family for houseMallam: I get sixteen children and three wives for village wey I dey feed At that moment, I finally understood something I had only heard about or read before. Me: How many more you wan bornMallam: I dey go thirty I nearly fainted. Me: How many your papa bornMallam: Twenty six Then I thought to myself, no wonder. Me: Why you still wan born, e don doMallam: You know how women dey run after me if I go Ikeja Me: Hmmmm...( I switched my nose up) Na lie I thought within me, this old man. Only for him to make a statement.Mallam: You no know say women no get pride. If money dey e don finish be that I proceeded to ask him if they were all Hausas and he replied no. Hausa, Igala, Ijaw. The next he is going to marry is a Calabar lady.To my Calabar women in the house, I am thrilled to announce that one of you will be getting married soon 🤭😁Are you allowed to marry young children, I asked out of curiosity because I read about what happened in Somalia with the rules they laid down.He replied yes, from twelve to thirteen years.Why do the parents give their children out at such a tender ageNa so we dey do for our side, he replied.Does your religion accept itYes, e support am.Shey na the poor ones una dey give out to marry or na all of themNo be about poor. Me I no fit marry pikin wey don dey used to garri. She go come dey cry for garri for my houseAnd if una marry those pikin, dem go born for una, abi you go wait make them grow smallNo, why I go wait for pikin wey I pay bride price for and marry to grow. We marry for children. Women make children for us. If a woman grows old in our place we send her back to her father’s house and marry a young personAt that point I swore from the depth of my heart. What. Is this gender a commodity to youHe called them a name that sounded like baggage and gave an illustration. If you buy orange and drink the sweetness, when you are done you throw it away. That is how they see women on their side of the world. It is such a pity that this is still happening. A woman is seen as a commodity to sleep with and dump. Let’s talk about the law that was made recently in Somalia and in less than twenty four hours they were forced to reverse it. The law banning child marriage. We saw old men, emphasis on old men, coming online to cry. Saying Allah will judge. Crying because they were asked to wait for girls to grow and come of age.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1001162007.jpg"/>When you ask them why they want them young, they say because at that age they are naive, they will be obedient, they are pure and can easily be controlled. Most of these men do not even stay to take care of the children after they are born. Pedophiles hiding behind culture.Hypocrites hiding behind religion. Can we let culture be culture and religion be religion. That topic is for another day. Should we even talk about FGM. Female genital mutilation. Wickedness in its highest form. They call it consecration but it is pure wickedness. I watched an interview of a lady and she was weeping. She went through this. Should we also talk about how women are reduced to baby factories and housemaids. The idea that a woman must end in a man’s house before her life is complete. Should we talk about girls that were taught they belong in the kitchen and not in the boardroom. Many of them became our mothers and grandmothers who regret their lives and became dependent on men who had all the power and made life unbearable. Then at the end they are told they are useless and have nothing to offer. This is causing chaos. Mentalities are being destroyed and many dysfunctional homes are being built. And yes, it is called cookinG not cooQueen. Learn to cook as a man. Learn to help. Fix that mentality you grew up with. Just as a woman belongs in the boardroom, a man belongs in the kitchen too. Hearts of many girls have stopped beating because we have decided that tradition and religion matter more than their lives. Do we need to talk about mother in law drama. I do not want to. Story for another day. Should we talk about the sexualising of babies. Then when something happens the first question is what was she wearing. Anyways, in a place where there is no law, there is no sin. That is our reality. Should we talk about beauty standards. We were traumatised with the words you are not beautiful enough. We will no longer be raised just to be wives. We will be raised to be people.We will no longer make ourselves smaller just to be loved.We will make our own money.We will live life at our own pace.Marriage is not the finish line.Live alone if you want to. Marriage is an option, not a necessity.Never apologise for wanting more.We will question what our mothers had to accept in silence. You ask what we bring to the table. We bring our decisions to the table. Play the game well and you will understand why the king moves one step at a time and why the queen moves freely across the board. And yes, we have decided that the board will make room for us.We are no longer asking for spaceWe are taking it!And yes, the board will welcome us.See you in the boardroom! WE AREN'T BORN SEXIST.SEXISM IS LEARNED.REVOLUTIONIZE YOUR MIND.MANHOOD SHOULDN'T DEPEND ON PUTTINGOTHERS DOWN, BUT ON STANDING FOR THEBASIC HUMAN RIGHTS OF BOTH SEXES!!! JUSTICE FOR OUR GIRLSSSSWE SAY NO TO CHILD MARRIAGE!!!🥺❌<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/1001162217.jpg"/>

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