WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT? - by Kezia Mathew

What do you really want?It’s a question that slips into my mind at the strangest hours. Sometimes it creeps in quietly, like a faint whisper calling out to me in the corner of the room. Other times, it barges in like an uninvited guest, loud and demanding, as if giving it an answer right there and then will ease my affairs. It’s the question that lingers in the air whenever I stare at the ceiling at midnight. The same one that flashes across my mind in the middle of a conversation, distracting me from the words being spoken. It even come in the middle of my meal leaving me with little or no appetite.And yet, no matter how many times it comes, the question still remains unanswered. Some days, it leaves me with nothing but a sad heavy feeling in my chest — that silent weight of not having it all figured out and bitter feelings of worthlessness as though my lack of response is proof that I've failed at life.I’ve caught myself wanting more than I can handle, wanting to bite off more than I can chew. I’ve imagined versions of my life so grand, so magnificent, that the very thought of chasing them becomes exhausting. I've had to tailor my imaginations to suit my extravagant taste. Like sitting at a table and being served with every cuisine I've ever desired, only to realize I can’t possibly eat it all. In the end, these oversized chunks of ambition lodged themselves in my throat until I couldn’t breathe, leaving me in ruins.Some days are worse than others. There are days when my emotions switch faster than I can track them. One moment, I’m calm and cool. The next, I’m irritated over something small. A second later, I’m fighting tears for reasons I can’t even remember. Then, in split seconds, I'm angry over something petty. . It’s like I was living through all four seasons in a single day — sunny, windy, rainy, and freezing, each one arriving without warning. Experiencing series of emotions in split seconds was hell to me.Despite all these happenings, there’s one thing that’s kept me from completely losing myself. It's kept me sane ever since. It’s simple, almost too simple for you to believe. I’ve learned to stay calm and flow with the tide.Now, don’t get me wrong — this isn’t about folding my arms and letting life toss me wherever it pleases. This isn’t about blending into the crowd or yielding to societal demands at the expense of my own standards. No, flowing with the tide is about refusing to sink when the waters get rough. It’s about learning how to float, even when the current is fierce and isn’t taking me exactly where I planned to go.Staying afloat despite all odds is what matter. You don’t waste all your strength fighting every single wave. You conserve your energy for the right battles, the ones that will actually move you closer to where you want to be. I’ve come to a realization that life is less about controlling every detail and more about learning how to respond with wisdom when things don’t go according to plan. I'm not going to lie. I still get those episode of frustration. I still have days when the question “What do you really want?” bugs me like a house fly. But now, instead of drowning in it, I remind myself that I know how to float.So if you’ve been feeling stuck — if your life feels like one long pause between what you started and what you dream of finishing — I want you to hear this: you don’t have to have it all figured out today. You don’t have to know exactly what you want in order to keep moving forward. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is stop thrashing, catch your breath, and let the tide carry you for a while. Because maybe, just maybe, the current is already leading you to your destination, if only you know how to navigate it.

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