When approval becomes a cage.

<blockquote>There is a quiet kind of imprisonment that doesn’t look like suffering from the outside. It looks like being agreeable. Smiling on cue. Adjusting your opinions so the room stays comfortable. For a long time, I thought this was maturity—learning how to fit in, how not to offend, how to be liked. I didn’t realize that every time I edited myself for approval, I was tightening the bars around my own voice.</blockquote>Seeking validation slowly teaches you to outsource your worth. You begin to measure yourself by reactions—who claps, who approves, who cares, who stays. And without noticing, you start living for responses instead of truth. People pleasing doesn’t just change how others see you; it reshapes how you see yourself. You become cautious where you should be honest, small where you should take up space. I thought I was kind but I was actually a people pleaser. How did I find out? I always felt some sort of indignation against myself when I rendered a service or whenever something happened and I resolved to shutting up to maintain peace and rather hurt inside than speak out. I didn't know how to say no because i never wanted to offend. I would stay calm, smile nervously and agree with everything they said just to fit in. But on the other hand, they didn't find it hard to condemn or use demeaning words. More like they didn't care if they hurt someone with their words. I lived through a childhood trauma that I tried so hard to heal from. It was about my appearance. Somebody made a nasty comment on my appearance and it shattered my ego. I felt bad but I couldn't speak up to say I wasn't okay with that. I just smiled🥲For the meantime, it worked but I found out these people didn't like me. They didn't have my interest at heart; they loved how I crushed myself just to satisfy and give them an upper hand. The problem?When you try to speak out or lose yourself from their hold they assume you changed. I told myself I had to change. All the whole time it seemed I lived for the world...when was I ever going to live for myself? When would I do things I enjoyed without caring what anyone thought? When would I ever get to stand and say confidently what I wanted and not feel bad for asking?One day, it dawned on me. I had to break free from this cage. The humiliation was too much. I started by saying 'no' to what I was not okay with. I would dress up and not feel bad about how I looked. Unlike me who would scan people's faces waiting for a facial expression that validates my looks. I learnt I can be kind and not nice. I learnt I can be good to people when needed. I learnt it's my world and people living in it. The moment approval becomes a cage is the moment you realize you are exhausted from performing a version of yourself that was never meant to last. Freedom doesn’t come from being liked by everyone—it comes from finally allowing yourself to exist without permission.I am finally free, you can as well!!!

Other insights from Mimi_Nic

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons