Am I Really that Pretty? - by Auri's Orbit

Am I really that pretty?Now, let me start by saying this, I know I'm not ugly.I'm average at best in my opinion.But, why I started with this title is because over my last year as a freshman in university, I've had experiences that my secondary school self couldn't imagine happening till I'm 20.From randomly getting complimented on my looks by gorgeous looking girls, to having guys actually wanting my number. Even if all of those talking stages didn't escalate from being talking stages, it was still a huge milestone for me.Side track to secondary school, we were barely a hundred students in the whole institution, yet, not one person of the opposite sex showed interest in me, whether it were to be friends or more than that.But it's expected since being the 'weird girl' had its own stigma (even though it died down in my last two years of school).Though there was someone that said he liked me, I later realised that I was someone he thought he could play, and he had way more interest in his 'friend' than he had in me.Back to university, even with the compliments and failed talking stages, it had me wondering,"What changed about me that's suddenly attractive?"At first, I thought it was my accent.Being born and bred in Nigeria while sounding like an American British hybrid (so I've been told anyway) was something that most people turned their heads for.But in a school where students are on the higher end in status and wealth compared to some of the country, meaning they could and should have travelled to various destinations outside Africa (talk less of those who were born and raised over there), having a foreign accent loses it's spark over a few weeks, and in some cases, never sparks attention at all.So with more thought, it couldn't just be my accent, plus, the girls and guys that compliment me do so without knowing how I sound.So, what could it be?Whilst pondering on this, my mind went to a theory,"What if I don't see myself the way others see me?"For some reason, the thought was unsettling to me.Like I said in the beginning, I know I'm not ugly, but I sure have a lot of features that are 'unattractive' (and I'm using quotes for this because beauty is subjective along with referring to the beauty standards of this generation, and I may sound harsh or exaggerative in describing those features).But despite knowing and believing all this, I still make and post 'fine girl' TikToks.Why?Because to me, I look 50% better in my phone's selfie camera. But once it comes to the rear camera, I look like someone with autism (and I say this as someone with a high chance of having autism and with no hate, discrimination or disrespect intended).So, my mind lastly pondered on the question,"Which way do people see me?"Is it the same way I look in my selfie videos, or how I look in a rear camera?And to be honest, I still don't know.I've asked my friends about this before, but they just say that I look like myself, which is the most unhelpful thing I've been told in my life.So what is my conclusion?Honestly, I don't know.I just blurted out the thought process of what my brain has been trying to figure out for over a year now.You know what, I'll just get a glow up, that should fix everything.... right?Or is this something to be fixed in the first place?

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