Are you a Lover or a Fighter? - by Oluwatoyin Odunuyi

Let's do something quickly. When you were younger and fought with your friend, did you ever say the words," I'm not talking to him again" Did you ever notice that when you and this friend didn't talk, you threw jabs at each other? Or that you tried to turn everyone against that friend so that you could isolate them and win the argument? Honestly, we were such mean children. But hold up, when you and your friend made up, did you ever talk about the fight and what went wrong? I don't remember doing so. I remember us playing a game as a group and immediately starting to talk to each other. However, we never actually discussed the situation that led to the fight. We moved that habit into adulthood. No one wants to hear the other side of the story, and no one wants to be the bad guy. Every friendship has its bumps. Disagreements, misunderstandings, and heated moments happen, but the real test is how we handle them. Fighting doesn't have to mean the end of the friendship; Humans disagree, and fights somehow make your bond stronger if you only handle them right. I am actively trying to master communication when it comes to disagreements; I once wrote a lengthy message to my friend about how we don't feel as close anymore, and that was my way of ending the awkwardness that had been going on for weeks. Before I did this, I struggled a lot with contemplation. There was pride and the usual "why can't she text me?"I knew I had to take action, or I would lose my friend, and I didn't want that.Communication is essential in relationships, whether platonic or romantic. A simple 'I don't like what you did' or 'You're not treating me right' can go a long way in a relationship, saving you a lot of time and resentment. However, it's not enough to write a lengthy epistle to that friend; instead, sit down and discuss it, especially if the issue has been recurring. Another thing we lack is the ability to listen to understand; everyone wants to be heard. However, it makes more sense to put yourself in the other person's shoes and actually listen to their point of view. They may not be right, but everyone deserves a chance to be heard. I wish we knew how important empathy is in relationships. There is no good or bad side in a disagreement, as everyone has a valid point. I've learnt that it is not you two against each other, but you two against the problem. Finally, apologize when you need to; we have a problem in this generation, and it is saying," Sorry." We feel that once we say the word 'sorry,' we are admitting that we are weak and a 'bad person.' And if you do not know, the world frowns on weakness. BUT! another gist for another day. Apologise to your friend if the disagreement/ fault was your fault, and remember, saying sorry doesn't mean you've "lost." It simply means you value the relationship more than your ego. And let's be honest, sometimes even when it's not your fault, you'll still need to apologise for the sake of the friendship. That's one of the little inconveniences that come with real friendships; you have to drop that pride. Today, acknowledge your mistake, mend the bond with your friend, and please prioritise communication with close friends, especially when you disagree. If you don't, you may lose them forever. God gave you good friends; don't step into error and sabotage his blessings. Be a lover, not a fighter.

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