Becoming Me, Finally

At times, I feel as if I'm always at the wrong place, even if I'm not — why?Because that feeling of being lucky is not there, or being among. But is that all there is? A life without happiness, a society without peace, friends without trust, companions without love,A house that feels less than a home each day,A beautiful nation without unity or harmony? I always think I'm not good enough, but I never knew I was — even better.And I will definitely upgrade to the best version of myself.I always thought about people's opinions and what they thought about me,But I never really focused on what I want, what I love. Because people didn’t like my singing, I quit.Because people called me depressed, I just didn’t speak.Because they saw me cry, they called me sad — then I stopped crying. I changed by their opinions and neglected my own.If they told me to do something, I did it.I felt like they knew how the world is supposed to be and I was wrong. I never knew that those “flaws” were so unique to the extent that it became my life.My songs, my vulnerability, my joy, my everything, every single thing I tried to change made me lose me. And so, I made me a 2.0 version of myself.Not the real me. Just a version I created of myself.And it made my heart feel heavy every single dayBecause I wasn’t doing what I loved,I wasn’t doing what I wanted. And still, I was criticized. I was looked bitter. I was told that I wasn’t perfect — and yes, I’m not.And that is what makes me unique. Looking back at my secondary school days, I realize that some things are just not worth your attention.It’s just like you looking at a mirror and not seeing what you think is supposed to be there. Then, reflecting on the things you’ve done, you realize that you haven’t been completely true about the things you do or yourself.You felt inferior. Why? Because you never knew your worth. I always waited for people to see that side that is always perfect.But it was never real.When they said I pretended, I had a breakthrough — and my whole thinking was reshaped. In what sense? You may ask. Embraced my needs. I honored my voice.I gave myself the love I was seeking from others. These are just a few changes — and I’m sure there will be more.Because healing is a journey.And growth is not a race.And life… is too short to live anyone else’s story.

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