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Depression, me.
<p>Okay, I lied.</p><p>I say I'm fine because it's the only thing I know how to.</p><p>I say I'm fine because it's easy.</p><p>I say I'm fine because I don't have to look weak.</p><p>I say I'm fine because I believe in faking it till you make it, and maybe one day I will be- but I'm not, and I haven't been in a long time.</p><p><br/></p><p>The truth is, I don't get up from bed every morning because I don't want to, it's because I can't (mom, I'm not lazy, I'm tired). Life demands too much from me that it physically paralyzes me. Also, sleep is the only escape from reality that I get so I kind of wish it doesn't have to end.</p><p>And I know that there are good days and bad days but there are not enough good days and far too many bad days. And those days that are actually supposed to be good but aren't is because depression doesn't ask for permission, it simply possesses.</p><p><br/></p><p>Every smile costs more than you'll ever know -if only you knew. And maybe, just maybe I'd be better if I actually speak up, but I've held so much alone, I've forgotten what it feels like to hurt openly and trust me, it hurts- it hurts so much that I wish I had words for it.</p><p><br/></p><p>I want to be okay, I want to be better- and I try,God! I try but trying isn't always enough, I'm proof of that.</p><p><br/></p><p>And if you've ever wondered why I'm the way I am, it's because depression is my master, and it has me in chokehold, fighting for my life -fighting for me. And maybe one day, I'd slip through it's fingers but this isn't a fairytale and the princess doesn't always get a happy ending.</p>
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