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3
Episode 3: Tracy's Two cents (Network Wahala)
<p>As the cold breeze blows aggressively with no one in mind, the mast in my area shivers.</p><p><br/></p><p>I tiptoe and raise my phone two feet above my head.</p><p><br/></p><p>No network.</p><p><br/></p><p>I say a silent prayer. A bar quivers.</p><p><br/></p><p>Suddenly you appear. At this point, I wonder why you're always around.</p><p><br/></p><p>You're trying so hard not to laugh, but your face has already betrayed you.</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: Just let one laugh drop.</p><p><br/></p><p>You: Ah. Is it that serious?</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: 😒 Come and help me first na.</p><p><br/></p><p>You: What exactly is going on? What do you need help with?</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: Climb that chair first, raise the phone above your head. Don't ask questions.</p><p><br/></p><p>You: (hesitant but willing) Okay...</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: Good. Shift your hand to that side first. No, that side. Shift it more.</p><p><br/></p><p>You: Tracy, what's going on???</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: Come down.</p><p><br/></p><p>You: Wait o… Network?</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: 😒</p><p><br/></p><p>You: (trying not to laugh)</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: At this point, there should be professional network testers.</p><p><br/></p><p>You: Is it that bad?</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: I've practically auditioned every SIM in Nigeria. Why is it that when it rains, the networks take cover? This is beyond frustrating.</p><p><br/></p><p>Both of us: It's a national crisis!</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: Just drop the phone. I'll just get a Mi-Fi, maybe a router sef.</p><p><br/></p><p>Me again: That reminds me, which SIM do you use?</p><p><br/></p><p>You: (hesitant) Depends on the weather... and God's grace.</p><p><br/></p><p>(Silence.)</p><p><br/></p><p>Both of us: (burst out laughing)</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: This is serious… No wonder you're not with your phone. You've accepted your fate.</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: Why is it that when there's an important meeting...</p><p><br/></p><p>You: Or when I'm expecting money...</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: Or when I want to text that person...</p><p><br/></p><p>Both of us: The network disappears!</p><p><br/></p><p>Me: If I turn on airplane mode one more time, the pilot will kick me off.</p><p><br/></p><p>You: Oya let's go and get the Mi-Fi.</p><p><br/></p><p>My network: Babe! Come back, I can explain...</p><p><br/></p><p>Honestly ehn, every time I think I've found "the one," the network reminds me we're just friends.</p><p><br/></p><p>How are you all coping? Mind you, I know you're affected too. Why are you silent? This is a national crisis!</p><p><br/></p><p>By the way, which network are you using? And are you genuinely happy?</p><p><br/></p><p>I'm done with the network that doesn't go everywhere I go.</p><p><br/></p><p>I deserve compensation!</p><p><br/></p><p>And a network that believes in long-distance relationships.</p>
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5
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