I embarrassed myself in the market yesterday… all because of one small acronym: TP. 🤦‍♀️

So, my mom sent me to the market yesterday.She wrote a list of some specific items needed for the soup we were going to cook.Some of the items on the list were: oil, scent pepper, garri, black fish, stockfish, meat, and TP.The prices of these items were added to the list as well.I carefully ticked off everything I bought on the list, starting from the meat, which was the first item on the list, till I got to the very last item:TP — two hundred naira.TP was the last item on the list.I was thrown into confusion.What is TP now?I mumbled under my breath.How did she expect me to know what it was?Why didn’t I ask?It couldn’t have been part of the soup ingredients… could it?I pondered so hard.My eyes turned red.I had developed a severe headache.I began searching my mind for answers.“Could it be thyme pepper? Ah God, no! It doesn’t make sense. How can she tell me to buy thyme pepper? How can someone use thyme and pepper to cook soup—Egusi soup for that matter? Or maybe it is tea…”The man who was behind me tapped my shoulder.“I have put the black pepper and the stockfish inside the nylon o. What else are you buying?”“Erm… TP.”“TP? What is TP? Please check the list well o.”“Erm… that’s where the wahala is. I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what she meant by TP. Ah God, I’m in trouble today.”“Let me see first. Bring the paper.”He collected the paper and peered intently at it.“T… P… TP two hundred naira.”He burst into laughter.“Thank God. What does it mean?” I asked.“Abeg no scatter my head, yellow sisi. Your own don finish o! I don’t know o! She even put price there sef. Which one is ‘TP two hundred naira’? I think you should just call your mom and ask what it is.”“Ehn! Call who? So she can finish me? She’ll say she cannot send me to the market to buy something and I will successfully buy it. The last time I called her, she shouted at me. Don’t worry, I’ll ask around. And I don’t have enough money with me o. Yee! I’ve bought rubbish, God! I have only fifty naira with me. How come? How many things did I buy? Fifty naira ke! I will cry today o!”I finally collected the black fish and the stockfish and made for the other shop across the road.I asked the woman inside the shop.She looked at me quizzically.“How I wan take know TP? Abeg, I no wan unnecessary headache this afternoon. Dey go your way.”I nodded my sorry and made my way to the next shop.I literally went to every shop in the market in search of the TP.No one knew what it was.“What is TP?!” I said in a near whisper as I began to pray for mercy.I mumbled words of prayer, rubbing my hands in a circular motion as I entered a keke.“Oh God, please let her not beat me. Please. Let her not just say anything. God, please, I’m sorry. I know I have not been buying the correct things since I started going to this market, but God, please have mercy on me. I promise to be an obedient child. Next time, I promise to ask questions before I do anything, God. Let her look at me with the eyes of love. Thank you, Father.”I finally got home.The first thing I did as I entered the parlor was to fall to my knees.With my hands clasped together, I began to cry slowly as I explained everything.She just sat there, with her eyes fixed on me.“Mummy, I’m sorry. Please, I didn’t buy the TP. I searched everywhere for it.”“Seriously? You didn’t see the TP anywhere? Give me the list.”I handed the list to her.She hit my head with it.“You didn’t see the TP because you used part of it to go to the market and the rest of it to come home. The TP there is transport fare! Transport fare two hundred naira; hundred naira for going and hundred naira for coming back. Olodo! Ah! You’re funny o! So you went round the market because of TP! Something that you used to go to the market. So your brain didn’t grab it. That means you cannot give full meanings to acronyms to save your life. Nawa o! Abeg go and put everything you bought in a tray! Tufiakwaaaa!”She laughed as she talked.I looked at her.“Erm… Mommy, are we using the GC or the KS this time? Abi it’s the FW? Which one, ma?”

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