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84
I just wanted to be held
<p>I love him. That's the truth underneath everything. I wouldn't be this broken if I didn't.</p><p><br/></p><p>I didn't mean to hurt him. The things I said came from a place I couldn't control — a body that was fighting itself, a mind that was fraying at the edges. I was not myself. But I was still real.</p><p><br/></p><p>I was genuinely in pain. Not the kind you can wish away or sleep off. The kind that makes you forget your manners, your softness, your filter. The kind that makes you beg because begging feels like the only thing left.</p><p><br/></p><p>I understand why he feels ashamed. I do. And I don't want him to feel that way. I never wanted to be the reason someone felt small. But I also didn't choose to be in pain.</p><p><br/></p><p>And here's what I'm learning: I wasn't wrong for needing help.</p><p><br/></p><p>I wasn't wrong for crying. For asking. For breaking a little when no one came.</p><p><br/></p><p>Today wasn't really about him. Not completely.</p><p><br/></p><p>Today was about my body turning against me when I needed it most. About the terrifying silence of an empty compound. About realizing that hunger + pain + isolation is a kind of slow drowning.</p><p><br/></p><p>Today was about shame — the shame of needing someone. The shame of admitting I couldn't do it alone. The shame of sending voice notes I knew I'd regret but couldn't stop.</p><p><br/></p><p>And underneath all that shame? Fear.</p><p><br/></p><p>Fear that I am too much. Fear that my pain is inconvenient. Fear that the people I love will only stay when I'm easy to love.</p><p><br/></p><p>I just wanted to be held without becoming a burden. Is that really too much to ask?</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe not.</p><p><br/></p><p>But today, it felt like it was.</p>
I just wanted to be held
By
Darby
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Darby
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6 plays
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