People are watching - by Eniola Ayoola

"People are watching"That was what my father said before he started our morning Devo. I immediately felt a bit of dislike. I knew what was coming. He was going to talk about how presentation matters in life—how we talk, how we behave, and how we carry ourselves around other people. He talked about how, when we want something, we should be humble, even when it is our right. He told us that his colleagues know him for being humble and that he believes my siblings and I don't always know how to present ourselves properly. My father is a Nigerian man. He is quiet but strict. He believes in God, discipline, and that “sparing the rod spoils the child.” He also values education. Growing up, my father stayed with his uncle, who was very strict with him and disciplined him a lot. His uncle wasn't really invested in his education and instead encouraged him to learn a skill. I sometimes wonder if that experience contributed to the way my father values education today. He wants to give us the education he didn't get. My father believes that his decisions are what is best for us. He disciplined me and my siblings in a way that taught us that there were consequences to doing or saying certain things. There were times when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. I can count how many times I wanted to run away because I felt like my father didn't love me. But looking back, I can see that his discipline came from what he believed was the right way to raise us. He taught me to be obedient and respectful to my elders. He believed that the way we presented ourselves in public mattered. I grew up greeting anyone older than me because that was what I was taught. I was respectful and did as I was told. But sometimes, I think I took those lessons too far. I remember struggling to meet a neighbour who eventually called me stupid because I hadn't told her I was going back to school. Even though I wasn't at fault, I apologized. I would listen during arguments, and most times, I ended up apologizing. I became conscious of everything I said because I didn't want to appear rude. I didn't want to disgrace my family, especially when I was invited to stay with a church member. My father's lessons didn't only affect the way I behaved around adults. They also affected the way I related with people my age. I found it difficult to interact with my peers because most times, I didn't know what to say. Even when I had something to say, I would keep it to myself. Once, in church, I was asked to share my opinion on a topic. I wanted to talk, but I backed out and said nothing. I could be walking with a group of people and suddenly become quiet. Most times, I didn't know how to approach people. I was really lonely. I didn't have many friends, but I didn't want my parents to know that. As I grew older, however, I began to understand my parents better. I realized that they had good intentions. They wanted me to understand the importance of humility and how far it could take me in life. And I think I get it now. When I started university, I began to realize that I didn't always have to overthink everything I said or did. I didn't have to make myself small or accept everything just because I didn't want to seem rude. I learned that I could express my opinions without being disrespectful. I could disagree with someone and still respect them. I could make friends with amazing people who taught me that confidence and respect can exist together. I understand now that my father was trying to teach me the importance of speaking and behaving in a way that would favour me in life. “People are watching.” I used to hear those words as a warning. Now, I hear them differently. People may be watching, but I don't have to spend my entire life being afraid of how they see me. I can be humble without making myself invisible. I can be respectful without silencing myself. I can be confident without being arrogant. And I pray that my dad is among the people watching when my siblings and I finally succeed in life.

Other insights from Eniola Ayoola

Referral Earning

Points-to-Coupons