POV: Judas Iscariot - by Esther Lawrence

"And truly the Son of Man goes as it has been determined, but woe to that man by whom He is betrayed!” I watched everyone question their loyalty, but I didn't feel any guilt. Not in that moment. It felt like a space of people just like me. We all knew this man. Okay, maybe not in the same way...but we all knew Him - "Rabbi". We called him teacher, but He was more like a friend. I saw him heal the sick, comfort the brokenhearted, and touch all manner of people -Jews and Gentiles alike. Everywhere He went, He only did good..and yet, it felt good that I was about to be thirty pieces of silver richer. I guess I always liked the idea of money. But Jesus?? Some things He did and said just never made sense to me. Hear me out... Six days to this "passover", we journeyed to Bethany. Yup, it's the same place where He raised Lazarus from the dead. Something baffled me...Mary (his sister) wasted a whole pound of oil of spikenard on Jesus' feet. Chill, do you know how expensive that is??!!!! I couldn't keep quiet any longer. I just had to ask: “Why was this fragrant oil not sold for three hundred denarii and given to the poor?” Jesus' answer was even more strange: “Let her alone; she has kept this for the day of My burial. For the poor you have with you always, but Me you do not have always.” Hmmm....death talk again...Why does He keep talking of death when He has the power to raise even Lazarus from the dead? I guess that's when the devil put it in my heart to betray Him. I don't know why, but I called it bluff. I knew the power of His might, firsthand. He should definitely be able to save Himself from this death, right? I didn't hesitate to go into the shadows to meet those who were afraid of Him (Caiaphas and the rest were such cowards). Can you imagine? I already sold intel on His whereabouts, but they still needed me there...to identify Him. A man they all knew?? And for how much?? Cowards!!!------------- The Passover Why's it so chilly in this room? The feast hasn't even started and He already knew that one had betrayed Him. I looked around as everyone questioned themselves, knowing exactly who it was. I was fine with it, until I locked eyes with Him. Absolute chills ran down my spine... He spoke of food like His own death, and washed our feet one after the other. What manner of man, is this?? The time is near, and for some reason I'm angry again. "Bluff. This really has to be a bluff." Gethsemane's garden...I knew the location that was set. Well, the hour has come. I led them there. Cowards.... They met a man helpless, in the darkness and they still fear Him. The Man they came to arrest wasn't scared or armed, and yet they were afraid. Brutal armed soldiers, afraid of one man?? What manner of man is this?? Oh right!! I almost forgot. The signal...the kiss. I walked up to my master, and I said to Him "Rabbi, Rabbi" and kissed Him. Immediate chaos!! Peter sent an ear missing, Jesus restored it. He was still healing, even at a time as this. "Great!! He's still so powerful. He'd escape in a flash." But, Jesus gave Himself freely into their hands. "That the Scriptures might be fulfilled". Master?? It wasn't a bluff? Wait...what have I done?? I watched from a distance His suffering, and I knew above all else that this man was innocent. I couldn't take it anymore. He knew of this day, and still did not resist. I knew more than the elders, and scribes and Priests why this must be, and yet... Why does He have to suffer so greatly for a sin He did not commit? I must find a way...but they condemn me. Thirty pieces of silver for a man who knew no wrong and treated me with nothing but love. Have it back!! But still... they condemn me. Cowards...Now, maybe I am the coward. This pain is too great, I can't bear it. I depart from them, and...I hate myself. I remember it now, "...woe to that man by whom He is betrayed." I truly never saw Him condemn even the most sinful of sinners in all His years. Still..I see no salvation from this guilt and pain. I made a decision that let the devil win over one man that day....and it was not Jesus. It was me, who chose to hang myself.

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