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~Kèëyrã 🥺🥰 Nigeria A freelancer @ Federal University Oye Ekiti.
Ikeja, Nigeria
708
618
29
20
In Psychology 4 min read
TRAUMA😣💊😊
<p>"<strong>Get out of my house, you have no place in this world."</strong></p><p><strong>"Why is she so quiet? She's dangerous. I don't like her!"</strong></p><p><br/></p><p>Those words didn’t kill me, but something inside me died that day.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Trauma... What is trauma?</strong></p><p>Psychologically: Trauma is not what happened to you, but what happened as a result of what happened to you.</p><p><br/></p><p>At that age, I never thought the word trauma actually existed, but I was familiar with the word numb. I became numb to my own feelings and separated myself from my body because it was too painful to be in it. I didn’t want to share the same mindset with myself.</p><p><br/></p><p>I went around seeking... <strong>Validation.</strong></p><p>For a moment, my nervous system forgot what safety feels like. 🥺</p><p>I lost my tears. My lacrimal glands stopped producing them. ☺</p><p><br/></p><p>I developed a pure hatred for the world. I had so many insecurities, and I hated the very womb I came from.</p><p><br/></p><p>I understood the phrase: <strong>Villains aren’t born, but made.</strong></p><p>Because I became a terror to myself.</p><p>Once a little girl with the biggest heart, one who loved unconditionally, became hatred herself... because I started hating unbelievably.</p><p><br/></p><p>Once a beautiful mirror turned into a dangerous weapon the moment I got broken. My emotions got mixed up.</p><p><br/></p><p>Others: Why do you smile so much?</p><p>Me: A smile can hide so much pain inside it.</p><p><br/></p><p>I became a Joker myself. I developed a smile not because I loved it, but because I was tired of being called a sadist. It spared me from the questions, and I became so manipulative that I made people drown in my illusion.</p><p>Once the one who got broken, became the one who pierced others with her broken glass.</p><p><br/></p><p>I lied when I said, "I loved being alone in my room." My room itself knows I disliked it because I got chased out of the world I should have belonged to.</p><p>My bed hated when I came close because it knew it was a second choice... forced to be with me! I forced it to hear me, but never gave it a chance to speak.</p><p><br/></p><p>I was fine for a moment because I had someone to transfer my aggression onto.</p><p><br/></p><p>My shadow hid from me because it got scared of me. My own reflection couldn’t believe itself.</p><p><br/></p><p>Others: Do you journal at night?</p><p>Me: Why should I? When my memories live rent-free in my head.</p><p>Others: Have you ever gone out to see a movie?</p><p>Me: Why should I? When the sun retires and the moon gets dimmed, my memories come alive. They give themselves a role to play. Each pain has a character to imitate.</p><p><br/></p><p>I once loved when people hurt me. Because the more you hurt me, the more vengeful I became. And the more vengeful I became, the more vengeance knocked at your door.</p><p>I became psychopathic. I learned how to memorize my family’s footsteps. I stopped being emotional.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>HEALING!!!</strong></p><p>To escape the prison, I became numb to the fact that I was in prison. I had to silence my awareness.</p><p>I became proud of myself because no one knows what it’s like to be me.</p><p>I had no option but to heal. I got stabbed countless times, but I grew to know one thing: As long as the knife goes in, I must be willing to pull it out, stop the bleeding, and keep a bandage on the surface.</p><p><br/></p><p>To heal, I had no choice but to forget and forgive them.</p><p><br/></p><p>Definitely, there are people close to you who need healing. All I can recommend is—<strong>GOD</strong>!</p><p><br/></p><p>I just hope we learn that Home should be a safe haven, not a battlefield.</p><p><br/></p><p>During my spiritual therapy session, the greatest psychotherapist made me understand that "God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers."</p><p>I am that one strongest girl you’ll ever come across...</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Why? You ask.</strong></p><p>You saw my cracks? You kiddinggggg? No one knows how to hide their pieces better than I do! 🙂</p><p><br/></p>

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