TRAUMA😣💊😊 - by Keeyra Writes✍🏽

"Get out of my house, you have no place in this world.""Why is she so quiet? She's dangerous. I don't like her!" Those words didn’t kill me, but something inside me died that day. Trauma... What is trauma?Psychologically: Trauma is not what happened to you, but what happened as a result of what happened to you. At that age, I never thought the word trauma actually existed, but I was familiar with the word numb. I became numb to my own feelings and separated myself from my body because it was too painful to be in it. I didn’t want to share the same mindset with myself. I went around seeking... Validation.For a moment, my nervous system forgot what safety feels like. 🥺I lost my tears. My lacrimal glands stopped producing them. ☺ I developed a pure hatred for the world. I had so many insecurities, and I hated the very womb I came from. I understood the phrase: Villains aren’t born, but made.Because I became a terror to myself.Once a little girl with the biggest heart, one who loved unconditionally, became hatred herself... because I started hating unbelievably. Once a beautiful mirror turned into a dangerous weapon the moment I got broken. My emotions got mixed up. Others: Why do you smile so much?Me: A smile can hide so much pain inside it. I became a Joker myself. I developed a smile not because I loved it, but because I was tired of being called a sadist. It spared me from the questions, and I became so manipulative that I made people drown in my illusion.Once the one who got broken, became the one who pierced others with her broken glass. I lied when I said, "I loved being alone in my room." My room itself knows I disliked it because I got chased out of the world I should have belonged to.My bed hated when I came close because it knew it was a second choice... forced to be with me! I forced it to hear me, but never gave it a chance to speak. I was fine for a moment because I had someone to transfer my aggression onto. My shadow hid from me because it got scared of me. My own reflection couldn’t believe itself. Others: Do you journal at night?Me: Why should I? When my memories live rent-free in my head.Others: Have you ever gone out to see a movie?Me: Why should I? When the sun retires and the moon gets dimmed, my memories come alive. They give themselves a role to play. Each pain has a character to imitate. I once loved when people hurt me. Because the more you hurt me, the more vengeful I became. And the more vengeful I became, the more vengeance knocked at your door.I became psychopathic. I learned how to memorize my family’s footsteps. I stopped being emotional. HEALING!!!To escape the prison, I became numb to the fact that I was in prison. I had to silence my awareness.I became proud of myself because no one knows what it’s like to be me.I had no option but to heal. I got stabbed countless times, but I grew to know one thing: As long as the knife goes in, I must be willing to pull it out, stop the bleeding, and keep a bandage on the surface. To heal, I had no choice but to forget and forgive them. Definitely, there are people close to you who need healing. All I can recommend is—GOD! I just hope we learn that Home should be a safe haven, not a battlefield. During my spiritual therapy session, the greatest psychotherapist made me understand that "God gives His toughest battles to His strongest soldiers."I am that one strongest girl you’ll ever come across... Why? You ask.You saw my cracks? You kiddinggggg? No one knows how to hide their pieces better than I do! 🙂

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