Vivian - by Ayanfe Adeogun

‎There's not much to say about Vivian‎Or maybe there is and I never really knew herI remember the night we met‎I was talking to her and hit me with her signature charming smile‎A couple of weeks later she was my closest friend‎We'd talk for hours and I'd never want our conversations to end‎We talked about our goals and our dreams‎And our plans for the future, who we wanted to be‎As well as the things that we were doing to live the dream‎She was the best thing that happened to me‎And she was such a sweet soul, the best type of person you could ever meet‎That's why this hurts me so much to write‎Cos how could all these things happen to someone like her‎‎‎She was going to class, early in the morning, she felt dizzy and she fell on the ground‎"Call the ambulance", a couple hours later she's awake and coughing blood on her hands‎After a couple of tests, the doctors tell her she has chronic asthma, she's feeling confused, like how?‎I stil recall the despair on her face when she called me, panicking with tears in her eye‎‎‎But that was just the start of things‎For the next few months she was in and out of the hospitalAnd I would call her every night, talk with her and pray with her, convince her recovery was possible ‎Even though it wasn't probable ‎But she never believed in my lies, I called her out for negativity, she said "I'm just being logical"‎‎‎And she turned out to be right, she did a couple of other tests and the results came out ‎They talked about anaemia, saying it could be hereditary, but her parents said they never heard of it‎Now she's calling me again, said she's tired of life and just wished that she could die‎I told her not to say that, I consoled her and prayed with her, telling God to come shine his healing light on her‎‎‎A couple of months went by, things started getting better so she was getting optimistic‎I kept talking and listening to her, praying with her, she was so happy with her recovery‎So she got closer with God. Surely he's the answer, so she was trusting and believing in him‎And then another setback came, shattered her and whatever little faith she managed to build‎‎‎She said "I was sleeping in the night, all of a sudden I was awake and struggling to breathe"‎"It felt like my chest was blocked, my throat was tight, tried to breathe with my mouth but I couldn't even get a little bit of air through my lips"‎"I was crying while holding my throat, choking on breaths I was trying my best to release"‎"I looked up in despair, I was praying to God to come save me but it's like he didn't have time for me"‎"It's like he didn't even care about me"‎"I've been praying to him and serving him for so long so why would he do this to me"‎"How am I even sure he exists?"‎"How do I know he loves me?""How do I know that his existence isn't just a ruse controlled by capitalists so poor people would pray to him?"‎ ‎She asked a lot of other questions, while I was stunned into silence, trying to find the right words to speak‎And then she started questioning me...‎Asking, "I'm going through all of these things, and you're acting like you don't even care"‎"I'm bawling my eyes out and you're without a reaction, why don't you show me your sadness and despair?"‎But how do I tell her I have a quiz the next day, but I'm spending my nights listening to her cry‎And I want to be a strong pillar for her to lean on so I can't show her all of the tears in my eyes‎I have a couple of classes in the morning but I'm in the hospital just cos she said she wants to hold my hand‎And I may seem fine, but I really care about her so what's happening is breaking me inside‎‎‎We didn't talk much after that, I was trying to reach out but she didn't answer all of my calls‎I'd go to visit her at the hospital, but she was acting cold, like she didn't want to see me at all‎But I kept going anyway, praying with her cos at the end of the day all we can do is trust God‎She was still acting cold, but she started praying and talking to God, and for me that was enough‎‎‎We went home for the holidays, and I didn't hear from her for a while‎So I was pretty stunned when we resumed school and she rushed at me with a smile‎She shook my body, telling me she did a couple of tests and the results came out a few days back‎She said the tests all returned negative, it must have been a miracle but she's happy she's fine‎And I was happy she's fine‎‎There was a time she hated God, but now she can't tell her story without giving Him the glory‎She said she had a lot of apologizing to do for pushing me away, saying that she didn't want to hurt me‎She thought she was going to die and wanted to make sure her death wouldn't impact me‎How do I explain that her actions hurt me more than her death could ever do to me‎‎But I guess it's all good now, a few months down the line, she's still healthy and kicking and smiling ‎And it brings a smile to her face when I see her smile or laugh or jump, and have fun cos I remember the times‎When she didn't have the will to live and she'd call me and tell me that she really wished she'd just die‎Now she's smiling everyday, talking with me and telling me how grateful she is for life

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