Score |
42
Weight in my Chest
<p>I wish I could tell you what decides whether today I will be soft or sharp.</p><p>I have searched for patterns.</p><p>Blamed lack of sleep.</p><p>Too much sleep.</p><p>Hunger.</p><p>The weather.</p><p>Nothing stays guilty for long.</p><p>Some mornings, I wake up feeling like music.</p><p>Everything is lighter.</p><p>Then, without warning, everything is unbearable.</p><p>My chest quickly becomes too small for all that I'm feeling.</p><p>The tiniest things become impossible things.</p><p>A cupboard left open.</p><p>The relentless vibration of a phone that never seems to rest.</p><p>Someone walking just a little too slowly.</p><p>A question I have already answered.</p><p>The sound of chewing.</p><p>A light that's too bright.</p><p>A room where everyone wants to talk at the same time.</p><p>None of these things are necessarily problems.</p><p>Yet somehow, my emotion greets them like they are.</p><p>I become impatient.</p><p>My replies grow shorter.</p><p>My energy fades quickly but quietly.</p><p><br/></p><p>Most people imagine anger as shouting. Mine settles into silence.</p><p>It appears in the tightness of my words and not the volume of them.</p><p>It's the way a room suddenly becomes heavier after I've gone quiet.</p><p>Sometimes I catch myself becoming irritated before the moment has even happened.</p><p><br/></p><p>And it's never just one thing.</p><p>It's twenty-nine tiny things,</p><p>arriving one after another,</p><p>Wearing me down in ways I don't notice until it's too late.</p><p>It happens in the few seconds between feeling and reacting.</p><p>That tiny space where I am desperately trying to convince myself,</p><p>It's not that serious.</p><p><br/></p><p>Most days, when I seem quieter, or slower to answer,</p><p>I'm probably not even angry.</p><p>I'm just standing at the edge of another small thing, trying my hardest not to let it become a big one.</p>
5
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