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228
Momma's Boy @ Abubakar Tafawa Balewa University Bauchi
Bauchi, Nigeria
3487
5398
251
221
Where the Water Waits
<p>To live is misery, to die is salvation.</p><p><br/></p><p>Death is the end right? I clambered up this bridge with a bag full of conviction </p><p><br/></p><p>Now… I wavered.</p><p><br/></p><p>Recollection. </p><p><br/></p><p>Reminiscence </p><p><br/></p><p>Memories relived.</p><p><br/></p><p>The sweet, </p><p><br/></p><p>The not so sweet.</p><p><br/></p><p>Family, friends. Loving, supporting, sometimes traitorous. Sometimes shields, sometimes spears.</p><p><br/></p><p>My eyes stared mindlessly at the glistening ripples. _Kahutu_ lake danced below. Concentric waves rippled like diverging rings. </p><p><br/></p><p>The Kano cityscape was my audience. Towering skyscrapers waved, hands ready to applaud the performance about to unfold. Hovering blimps punctuate the skyline, the ancestral emblem of _Arewa_ glowing on their sides. The hum of drones. They pass in swarms like flock of migrating birds. The trains silently come in and out of view , almost in flight. My eyes moved from one to the other while scenes played out in my head. My life. The good of it. The bad of it. The mad of it. The sad of it.</p><p><br/></p><p>I should have plummeted the moment I glimpsed the water.</p><p><br/></p><p>Death is the end. </p><p><br/></p><p>I should not have welcomed any room for introspection . </p><p><br/></p><p>Death is not the end. </p><p><br/></p><p>Now I have become unsure. </p><p><br/></p><p>Cowardice? </p><p><br/></p><p>Survival instincts? </p><p><br/></p><p>What comes next? </p><p><br/></p><p>I clutch the railings, grips tightened. I shiver. It’s gotten awfully chilly. I direct my gaze once again into the calmness below </p><p><br/></p><p>Realization. </p><p><br/></p><p>I was afraid. </p><p><br/></p><p>I thought. </p><p><br/></p><p>What if? </p><p><br/></p><p>death did not equate to non-existence?</p><p><br/></p><p>Just a door</p><p><br/></p><p>What came after?</p><p><br/></p><p>Should I just take the leap? </p><p><br/></p><p>The leap of faith. </p><p><br/></p><p>The leap of lack of faith. </p><p><br/></p><p>Fingers crossed, no rebirth. </p><p><br/></p><p>No reincarnation. </p><p><br/></p><p>No resurrection. </p><p><br/></p><p>Updated state of mind:</p><p><br/></p><p>I do not want to live but neither do I want to die. </p><p><br/></p><p>Is there a more miserable state of existence? </p><p><br/></p><p>I finally let go of the luminescent railings.</p><p><br/></p><p>I am drained to emptiness </p><p><br/></p><p>Zero will to die</p><p>Zero will to live </p><p><br/></p><p>Will to exist? </p><p>No, I do not wish to exist either yet to exist is to live.</p>
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