Approaching 30 - by Favyben

"Hi, Favour." You're getting close to 30. Sometimes you sit on your bed and ask yourself, *"What do I have to show for all these years? Am I really living... or am I just existing?"* Your parents are getting older, and with every passing day, the responsibilities become heavier. More people look to you for help, yet you're still trying to figure out how to help yourself. You carry the weight quietly. You laugh with people. You smile. You tell everyone you're fine. But when you're alone, the questions return. *"God... what am I not doing right?"* The clock keeps ticking. Life keeps moving. People are getting married, building businesses, buying houses, relocating abroad, and celebrating milestones. Meanwhile, you feel like you're standing at the same spot, desperately searching for clarity. Every morning you wake up, go to your 9-to-5, do your best, come home exhausted, and somehow convince yourself to do it all over again the next day. Not because you're happy. But because you have no choice. Some days you look at your life and nothing seems to make sense. You wonder if you'll ever do better than your parents. You wonder if you'll ever become the person you dreamed of being. The only thing that feels certain is God. Everything else is filled with "what ifs." What if I start a business? What if it fails? Should I go into tech? If I decide today, where do I even begin? How do I pay for courses when buying an Item 7 shawarma or a cup of fruit parfait already feels like a luxury? Sometimes you crave something as simple as a treat after a stressful day, but before you can satisfy the craving, you open your banking app. Your account balance answers before your heart does. So you quietly tell yourself, *"Maybe next month."* Instead, you settle for jollof spaghetti without the "orishirishi." Or noodles without onions or pepper. Not because that's what you want. But because that's what survival looks like. Then you ask yourself another question. *"When will I wake up one morning and smile without worrying about money?"* *"When will I buy what I crave without checking my account first?"* *"When will I stop crying over the little things?"* Yet, somehow... In the middle of all the confusion... In the middle of all the waiting... God remains. Even when I don't understand His timing. Even when my prayers seem to echo back in silence. Even when I feel forgotten. I still choose to believe that He hasn't forgotten me. So I'll keep showing up. I'll keep working. I'll keep praying. I'll keep hoping. And before my next birthday, I pray everything begins to make sense. One day, these tears will become a testimony. One day, I'll look back at this version of myself with gratitude instead of pain. One day, I'll smile... And this time, it will be real. I know it.

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