Dear African Parents, - by Esther Lawrence

Every "African parent" disapproves of suicide. "Why take his life over something so little, ne? He should've told someone! Doesn't he have parents? What kind of friends did he keep?" They're the first to throw questions and suggestions when such issues are raised, very quick to blame the deceased, yet very inattentive to the cause of such repeated occurrences. They believe parenting is all about authority: "When you have authority, these kids turn out good. You give them authority like the oyibo people and they become very rotten, don't you know?" - a typical conversation between mothers in a salon, church or PTA meeting. Hmmmm....so because Emma freezes in place like a statue, fixes the mess you kept shouting about and tries to recall any wrongs he has done all day when he hears daddy's horn from the next street, you think that's the gold standard interpretation of "spare the rod, and spoil the child"?. Mmmm? Abi the way 7-year-old Precious still gets solely blamed for mass offences, because she should already be setting a perfect example for her younger siblings? Wait... what's the thought process exactly? Traumatize the first when your energy is high, and still have her psychologically scarred by the rest as you get older? Lol, you may not even realize it but they witnessed and lived through it all. You raised them by the law, and made them adapt to seeing others after them being raised by grace. Now, that is why I say this: Dear African parents, You can't claim to have the least cordial relationship with your children when you can't notice the slightest change in their demeanor. You can't keep yelling at kids and expect them NOT to tremble in fear while obeying your "commands". You probably may not know this, but I'll tell you for free - The fear your presence brings equates the boldness your absence gives. And when they get older, you wonder why it's difficult holding conversations with your child? The answer is simple: They're not used to voicing their reasons, sharing their problems or filling the age long void your constant absence has created. "Oh, but I just didn't want him to end up a riff-raff. Too much free-hand breeds bad children. Besides, I buy them biscuits after a small beating (Lol. No seriously, I can promise you that nothing was small about that beating!)" The words you chose to use to correct may be the major issue here ma'am, and it's not about how well you compensated each time, sir. How do you speak to your child even in anger? What tone was used? Did you reason with them? Did you judge them right away?? Did you give them room to make amends? Did they apologize because they truly felt sorry? Or can they still not wait to leave your house ... You can only have one or the other. Are you ready to be the home they are actually eager to come back to or just some shelter till they finally find a home away from you?

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