You Didn’t Leave… You Just Stopped Choosing Me

I keep trying to remember the last timethis felt like loveand not something I was surviving.Because that’s what it became in the end.Not us.Not warmth.Not safety.Just something I had to endurewhile pretending it still meant everything.You didn’t leave.And somehow, that made it worse.Because you stayed…but you weren’t there.You spoke to mebut not with me.You held mebut it never felt like you were holding on.And I kept loving you anyway.God… I kept loving youin ways that started to destroy me.I loved you when it felt one-sided.I loved you when it felt forced.I loved you when I could feel you slowlybecoming someone who didn’t need me anymore.Do you know what that does to a person?To stand right in front of someoneand feel invisible?To say “I love you”and hear it come back… empty?I started questioning everything.Was I too much?Not enough?Too loud?Too quiet?Or was I just loving someonewho had already let me goand didn’t know how to say it?Because that’s what it felt like.Like you had already left…and your body just hadn’t caught up yet.We didn’t break in one moment.We broke in silence.In late replies.In forced conversations.In the way your eyes stopped searching for minelike I wasn’t home anymore.And I swear I tried.I tried so hard it hurt.I bent parts of myselfI didn’t even know could bend.I became smaller, quieter, easier…just so you would stay.But you were already gone.And the worst part?You never said it.You never looked at meand told me you didn’t love me anymore.You just let me figure it outpiece by pieceuntil there was nothing left of methat didn’t ache.So now here we are.Not together.Not completely apart.Just… separated.Like something came between usand decided we were no longer allowedto exist in the same place.And I wish I could hate you.I really do.It would be easierif you had hurt me loudly.If you had done somethingI could point at and say“that’s where it ended.”But you didn’t.You just stopped choosing me.And somehow…that hurt morethan anything else ever could.Because I would have walked through anything for you.Pain.Distance.Even hell itself.But you?You couldn’t even stay.And now I’m left standing hereon my side of something that used to be ourstrying to understandhow something that felt so realended up feeling like nothing at all.

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