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43
Student @ Babcock University
God, Amend My Blueprint
<p><em>If love isn’t for me, Lord—
</em></p><p><em>Then take this hunger from my chest.
</em></p><p><em>This ache that wakes me at 3 a.m.
</em></p><p><em>Like a child knocking on a door
</em></p><p><em>That was never mine to open.
</em></p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><em>Take it, God.
</em></p><p><em>Take the way I memorize people’s laughter
</em></p><p><em>And store it in the basement of my ribs,
</em></p><p><em>Hoping one day someone stays long enough
</em></p><p><em>To hear their echo in my bones.
</em></p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><em>If I was built for empty rooms,
</em></p><p><em>Then teach my hands not to reach.
</em></p><p><em>Teach my heart not to bloom
</em></p><p><em>Toward every light that passes by my window,
</em></p><p><em>Mistaking headlights for the sunrise.
</em></p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><em>Because I’m tired of being a beggar
</em></p><p><em>With a millionaire’s appetite.
</em></p><p><em>Tired of pouring myself
</em></p><p><em>Into paper cups they drink and crush,
</em></p><p><em>While I sit here, parched,
</em></p><p><em>Pretending I’m not thirsty for forever.
</em></p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><em>If You carved me from solitude,
</em></p><p><em>Then smooth the edges where I splinter
</em></p><p><em>Every time someone leaves.
</em></p><p><em>Don’t let me feel the cold
</em></p><p><em>If You never meant to give me fire.
</em></p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><em>But if You won’t take it—
</em></p><p><em>If this longing is the cross I carry—
</em></p><p><em>Then at least tell me why, God.
</em></p><p><em>Why You’d plant a garden in my chest
</em></p><p><em>And tell the rain it’s not allowed to fall.
</em></p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><em>If love isn’t for me,
</em></p><p><em>Then let me stop seeing it in strangers’ eyes.
</em></p><p><em>Let me stop writing it into goodbyes.
</em></p><p><em>Let me stop calling it home
</em></p><p><em>When all I’ve ever known is the road.
</em></p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><em>Take the desire, Lord.
</em></p><p><em>Or take me.
</em></p><p><em>Because I cannot be both—
</em></p><p><em>A vessel and a void.
</em></p><p><em>A prayer and a famine.
</em></p><p><em>Yours, and still so damn alone.</em></p><p>
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15
Other insights from David Lilly-West
David Lilly-West
Port Harcourt, Nigeria
Port Harcourt, Nigeria
David Lilly-West
Port Harcourt, Nigeria
Port Harcourt, Nigeria
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