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103
Ohh, my mother!
<p>The Children She Had to Hold Onto</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes I look at my mother and wonder if she ever talks about the children she lost.</p><p><br/></p><p>Before she had us, there were pregnancies that never made it to her arms. There were babies she carried but never got to watch grow. There were sons she gave life to, only to lose them. And with every loss, a piece of her heart must have gone with them.</p><p><br/></p><p>Then there was us — her girls.</p><p><br/></p><p>We became the children she had left. Her only children. The ones she could hold, raise, worry about, pray for, and watch grow.</p><p><br/></p><p>I don't think we will ever fully understand what she went through before we came into this world. We only know the mother we have today, but there is a version of her that had to experience motherhood through grief before she got to experience it through us.</p><p><br/></p><p>And sometimes I think about how much fear must have lived in her heart while raising us. After losing children before, every pregnancy, every sickness, every late night, every little thing must have carried a different kind of fear.</p><p><br/></p><p>She didn't just raise us.</p><p><br/></p><p>She held on to us.</p><p><br/></p><p>And maybe that's why, sometimes, her love feels so intense. Maybe that's why she worries so much. Maybe that's why losing any of us would feel unbearable to her.</p><p><br/></p><p>Because she knows what it means to lose a child.</p><p><br/></p><p>Mum, I may never fully understand your story, but I hope you know this: the children you lost will always be part of your story, and the children you have are grateful to be here.</p><p><br/></p><p>We are here because you kept going.</p><p><br/></p><p>And I hope the rest of your life gives you enough happiness to make up, even in the smallest way, for all the pain you had to carry before us. ❤️</p>
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