The mobilizer - by Matthew Okibe

Yesterday felt familiar.Not because the situation was exactly the same.But because I have lived this feeling before.The food issue happened.People were disappointed.People were angry.Questions started flying around.Complaints started showing up.And while reading some of them, all I could think about was Chop & Cruise.Because suddenly I was back there again.Back in that place where people only see what went wrong.Never what it took for anything to happen at all.I think that's what hurts the most.Not failure.Not debt.Not even insults.It's the feeling of becoming invisible the moment something goes wrong.People see the missing food.They don't see the months of planning.People see the inconvenience.They don't see the sacrifices.People see the outcome.They don't see the cost.And the cost is always paid by somebody.Most times, it's the person trying.I remember Chop & Cruise.People think it was a successful event.The pictures looked good.The videos looked good.The crowd looked good.The sponsors were announced.People danced.People ate.People went home.What they didn't see was me sitting down afterwards calculating debt.Not profit.Debt.I laugh sometimes when people assume organizers are making money.I wish.The sponsors came through.The ticket sales came through.But reality came harder.The money went into sound.Lighting.Decoration.Logistics.Food.Transportation.And then more transportation.And then another expense nobody planned for.And then another one.And another one.Events have a funny way of discovering new ways to take your money.Every time you think you've solved one problem, another one arrives with a bill attached.By the end of Chop & Cruise, there wasn't some secret profit hiding somewhere.There was just a list of things that still needed to be paid.People enjoyed the event.I inherited the debt.And maybe I could have accepted that easier if that was where the story ended.But it never ends there.Because after giving your time, energy, attention and money, people still show up to tell you what you didn't do well enough.Some people complained about things they genuinely experienced.Fair enough.Nobody is above criticism.But then there were others.People claiming things they never lost.People demanding things they were never promised.People rewriting reality because there was a possibility of getting something from it.That part changed me.I spent days sorting messages.Comparing stories.Checking claims.Trying to understand what was true and what wasn't.And the longer I did it, the more exhausted I became.Not because of the money.Because of the realization.The realization that some people will watch you struggle and still look for a way to squeeze something out of you.<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/817914.png"/>The realization that sacrifice doesn't automatically create understanding.The realization that people don't always care how much something cost you.Only what they personally received from it.That realization is expensive.Much more expensive than debt.Then yesterday happened.And I found myself standing in another situation where things didn't go according to plan.Not because anybody wanted them to.Not because anybody woke up and decided to disappoint people.But because reality happened.Reality always happens.Equipment fails.Plans change.Attendance exceeds expectations.Resources run short.Nigeria happens.And somehow people always imagine there was a magical solution sitting somewhere that nobody wanted to use.As if the people coordinating aren't already carrying enough pressure.As if we're not already trying to hold together ten different problems at once.As if we're not already praying that one more thing doesn't go wrong.I don't think people understand what responsibility feels like.Responsibility is checking your phone and hoping there isn't another emergency.Responsibility is seeing twenty missed calls and knowing none of them are good news.Responsibility is hearing complaints before you've even had the chance to eat.Responsibility is solving problems while pretending you aren't stressed.Responsibility is smiling in public and panicking in private.Responsibility is everyone assuming you have answers while you're desperately searching for answers yourself.And the funny thing is that nobody pays you for carrying that weight.Most times you pay for it yourself.Literally.The cost of trying in this country has become ridiculous.Every movement costs money.Every meeting costs money.Every plan costs money.Every mistake costs money.Every attempt to do something meaningful comes with a financial penalty attached to it.Transportation keeps increasing.Fuel keeps increasing.Cooking gas keeps increasing.Everything keeps increasing except people's ability to absorb the increase.That's the trap.A few years ago, if you made a mistake while organizing something, you could recover.Today one mistake can throw you into debt.One logistics issue can destroy your budget.One unexpected expense can erase months of effort.And the country doesn't care.The economy doesn't care.Prices don't care.The fuel station doesn't care.The transport driver doesn't care.The vendor doesn't care.Everybody needs their money.Even when you don't have yours.Sometimes I wake up and the first thing I think about isn't ambition.It's calculation.How much do I owe?How much do I need to make?How much will transportation cost?How much will I spend trying to make the money I'm trying to make?What kind of life is that?When survival becomes mathematics.When every decision starts with subtraction.When every opportunity comes with expenses attached.When you spend money to make money and somehow end up poorer afterwards.And despite all this, the thing that annoys me most is that I know I'll still do it again.That's the stupid part.That's the part I can't explain.Because after the debt.After the stress.After the insults.After the sleepless nights.After reading messages from people who have absolutely no idea what you sacrificed.After carrying blame for situations you never wanted.After all of it.I know if another opportunity came tomorrow to build something meaningful, I would probably say yes.Not because I enjoy suffering.Not because I enjoy debt.Not because I enjoy stress.But because doing nothing feels worse.Because somebody has to try.Somebody has to organize.Somebody has to create opportunities.Somebody has to take responsibility.Somebody has to carry the risk.And sometimes the reward for carrying that risk isn't profit.It's debt.It's exhaustion.It's disappointment.It's being misunderstoodIt's sitting alone at night wondering whether anybody would still criticize you if they knew the full story.<img src="/media/inline_insight_image/817988.png"/>Maybe they would.Maybe they wouldn't.I don't know.What I do know is that behind every event people enjoy, behind every movement people attend, behind every successful gathering people post on social media, there is usually somebody carrying far more weight than anybody realizes.Somebody losing sleep.Somebody spending personal money.Somebody absorbing pressure.Somebody sacrificing more than they're ever going to admit publicly.And sometimes that person goes home with debt.Sometimes that person goes home with blame.Sometimes that person goes home with both.I know.Because more than once, that person has been me.

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