THE PARADOX OF VISIBILITY - by Emetekefe Akpovwovwo

We live in an age that keeps giving us two pieces of advice that seem impossible to obey at the same time. The first is as old as our grandparents: Don’t tell people everything. Protect your privacy and move quietly. Let everyone not know your next move. In Nigeria, we even have a phrase for the consequences of becoming too familiar with people. The phrase is see finish. It is the belief that excessive familiarity slowly erodes respect, that when people know too much about you, they begin to treat you too casually or feel entitled to meddle in your life. The second piece of advice is unmistakably modern: Be visible. Build a personal brand and show your personality. Let people know the story of the person behind the work. Visibility creates opportunity. The more people feel connected to you, the more likely they are to support you. Both ideas are widely accepted but both cannot be fully obeyed at the same time. That is the paradox of visibility. I found myself thinking about this while watching Big Brother Naija yesterday. One of the housemates, Abi, entered the house talking almost immediately. While the housemates were taking turns to introduce themselves, she interrupted conversations while others were introducing themselves and seemed determined to engage everyone around her. To some viewers and house mates, she might come across as lively and expressive. To others, she was talking far too much. Whether one agrees with her approach is almost beside the point. What fascinated me was the position she and every other housemate is forced into. Outside that house, many of us are taught to guard our personal lives. We are careful about what we reveal, who we trust and how much access people have to us. Inside that house, the rules change. Contestants are expected to build relationships with millions of strangers. They are expected to be known because the audience cannot vote for someone they cannot connect with and conection requires disclosure. Yet every disclosure carries a risk. If you reveal too little, you become forgettable and if you reveal too much, you may lose control of your own story.That tension belong to all of us. Social media has turned ordinary people into public figures within their own circles. LinkedIn encourages professionals to share career journeys and personal lessons. Employers increasingly hire people whose thinking they have followed online. Entrepreneurs are advised to “tell their story.” Creators are told that audiences invest in personalities before products. Somewhere along the way, visibility became currency. Yet the old wisdom about discretion never disappeared. So which advice should we believe? Perhaps the problem is that we often confuse visibility with access. They are not the same thing. Being visible means allowing people to understand who you are. Giving access means allowing people into parts of your life they have not earned the right to enter. One builds connection while the other removes boundaries. The distinction matters. Research professor Brené Brown, whose work on vulnerability has shaped conversations around leadership and human connection, makes an important distinction. Vulnerability is not the same as indiscriminate disclosure. In her work, she argues that vulnerability requires trust and discernment. In other words, not every truth belongs in every room and not every audience has earned every story. That idea has stayed with me because it challenges a common misunderstanding of authenticity. Authenticity requires honesty, not complete exposure. Some of the most respected public figures in the world are remarkably open about their failures and lessons without making every private detail public. They understand that transparency and privacy are not enemies. They are partners. One builds credibility, while the other preserves dignity. Perhaps that is the real challenge facing contestants on shows like Big Brother. They are not merely trying to entertain us. They are making hundreds of invisible editorial decisions every day. What should I tell? What should I protect? What will help people understand me? What belongs to me alone? <img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/Black_and_Gold_Elegant_Salon_Logo.png"/> We ask those questions every time we have to speak. The more I think about it, the more I realise that perhaps discernment is more powerful than privacy and oversharing. Wisdom lies somewhere in between.

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