THE ROUND TABLE -Episode Two: Should Loyalty Have Limits?

THE ROUND TABLEEpisode TwoShould Loyalty Have Limits?What does it mean to be loyal to someone?Is it standing beside them no matter what?Is it telling them the truth even when they don't want to hear it?Is it defending them when they're not in the room?Or does loyalty have a point where choosing yourself becomes more important than standing by someone else?We're often taught that loyalty is one of the highest forms of love and friendship. We celebrate the people who stay when things get difficult. We call them real ones. We admire those who stand by us through everything.But everything is a big word.What happens when staying begins to cost you your peace?What happens when loyalty becomes one-sided?And what happens when being loyal to someone means being disloyal to yourself?For the second edition of The Round Table, we asked three people to consider one question:Should loyalty have limits?<img alt="" src="/media/inline_insight_image/6471bef132e0a00cc95a0bcb825b186a8122ac0121049d69067944112fa36480.png"/>.....................................................................................Question OneWhat does loyalty mean to you? Can you share a personal experience that shaped your understanding of it?Big Dee"Yes, I've seen one old couple I know... these two, when I say loyal, there's nothing, I mean nothing they don't know about each other. They said they've been like that since they were younger. They make sure to fill each other in on everything.And to me, I feel loyalty couldn't be more. Not because someone will beat you, or because you're pretending, but because you know you are accountable to this person." Anonymous"Loyalty means sticking to me and disagreeing with me when I'm wrong. Don't lie to me even if it breaks my trust. Be open with me. Trust me and I trust you. Transparency.That's the highest form of loyalty, tell me the truth."Her understanding of loyalty has also been shaped by an experience she isn't particularly proud of."So I had a friend, OMG that girl was the sweetest, smartest and a very good friend but somehow in the line I decided to snitch on her, judge me if you want but I just had to, she was my friend, like a very good friend, she showed up for me. I do not agree with snitches but at some point we were having a push and pull relationship. Our goals didn't align, I felt pressure from my family and my friend. I didn't want a friendship that would hurt her and me.So I chose myself which was very selfish of me , I regret doing that.""I would have been open and told her the truth, that our goals didn't align but I snitched" Blú"To me, loyalty means being consistent, honest, and dependable, especially when it's inconvenient. It's about standing by the people you care about while also being honest with them.Over the years, I've learned that real loyalty isn't always about agreeing with someone, it's about showing up, keeping your word, and treating them with respect even when they're not around.""One particular experience that shaped my understanding of loyalty was when someone I wasn't on good terms with still made sure I got somewhere safely because they knew I hated crossing the road alone. We weren't on speaking terms, but they still looked out for me.""That showed me that loyalty isn't about never having disagreements, it's about continuing to care for someone even during difficult moments. I think I'd even say loyalty and consideration go together. To be loyal to someone doesn't mean you have to protect them from the truth. It can be you defending their name when they're not around.".....................................................................................I think it's interesting that none of these definitions of loyalty are really about blindly standing behind someone.For Dee, it's accountability.For Anonymous, it's truth—even when the truth might hurt.For Blú, it's consistency, consideration and continuing to care even when you're not on good terms.And maybe that's worth establishing before we even get to the question of limits:Loyalty doesn't necessarily mean agreement.Sometimes the most loyal thing you can do for someone is tell them they're wrong......................................................................................Question TwoDo you think loyalty should have limits? If yes, where should those limits be drawn? If no, why not?Big Dee"Loyalty is loyalty to me.When you choose to be loyal, it's a choice you made yourself.And there should be no limit.Now, where you can back down or draw a line to stop is when that energy is one sided.You're not safe." Anonymous"Loyalty should have limits if it takes your peace away.To set boundaries and keep to it.Be truthful and don't indulge in gossip, that thing gossip can make most people disloyal without knowing..." Blú"Yes, I believe loyalty should have limits. Loyalty shouldn't require sacrificing your values, self-respect, or peace of mind.The line should be drawn when someone repeatedly disrespects you, takes advantage of your kindness, or expects you to ignore harmful behavior in the name of loyalty.I believe you can care about someone while still choosing to step away if the relationship becomes unhealthy.".....................................................................................And here is where the answers start to diverge.Dee says there should be no limit to loyalty, but even she recognises that something changes when the relationship becomes one-sided or unsafe.Anonymous draws the line at peace.Blú draws hers at values, self-respect and repeated disrespect.Personally, I think "protect your peace" needs a little nuance.Not everything that disrupts your peace is necessarily bad for you. Sometimes doing the right thing is uncomfortable. Sometimes being a good friend means having a difficult conversation. Sometimes loyalty requires patience, compromise and staying through an uncomfortable season.But there's a difference between discomfort and being consistently harmed.And I think that's where the line becomes worth discussing......................................................................................Question ThreeHave you ever had to choose between being loyal to someone else and protecting your own peace? What did you learn from that experience?Big Dee"Before giving in my loyalty, you must have proven yourself worthy of it.So, no... I only ever gave my loyalty to those who prove themselves worthy of it.Because, I feel if you pour into a space that doesn't pour back into you, you drain yourself and you end up empty with no more to give out.So... that's it." Anonymous Anonymous returns to the experience she shared earlier."I shared how I snitched, yes I was disloyal, but something I've learned from that is:a) To set boundaries and keep to it.Be truthful and don't indulge in gossip, that thing gossip can make most people disloyal without knowing..."Her second lesson was more personal."Do not make one particular person be your source of happiness. Learn to have peace knowing some people will disappoint and some will stay, just know people for who they are and move on. It saves you your peace. ❤️" Blú"Yes, there have been times when I stayed in situations longer than I should have because I felt responsible for someone else or wanted to be loyal to them.I learned that protecting my peace isn't selfish, it's necessary sometimes.Healthy relationships shouldn't require you to lose yourself, and sometimes the most respectful thing you can do is set boundaries, even if it's difficult.Though there are people we sometimes break those boundaries for and people who don't respect boundaries but it's necessary to set them.".....................................................................................I think this is probably the hardest part of loyalty.Knowing when you're giving and when you're simply emptying yourself.Dee talks about pouring into a space that doesn't pour back.Anonymous talks about not making one person the source of your happiness.Blú talks about staying in situations longer than she should have because she felt responsible for someone else.And I don't think loyalty has to be perfectly equal all the time. There will be seasons where one person needs more than the other.But if you're constantly losing yourself to prove that you're loyal to someone else, then at some point, you have to ask:What exactly are you being loyal to?.....................................................................................Leaving the TableMaybe loyalty does have limits.Maybe the real disagreement is about where those limits should be.For some, it's when the relationship becomes one-sided.For others, it's when peace, values or self-respect are at stake.And perhaps choosing yourself doesn't automatically make you selfish.Sometimes, it might simply mean recognising that you are someone you're responsible for too......................................................................................Your TwoCentsNow it's your turn.Should loyalty have limits?When someone you love is doing something wrong, is telling them the truth the highest form of loyalty?Can you walk away from someone and still consider yourself loyal to them?And when does choosing yourself become necessary?Pull up a chair. The Round Table is open......................................................................................Special thanks to ♡˖꒰ᵕ༚ᵕ⑅꒱<ul><li>Big dee</li><li>Anonymous </li><li>Blú</li></ul>

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