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95
We Hate Each Other... But She's Pregnant for Me.
<p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Nimmatt... wallahi, muna da matsala.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Kai malam! The way your face is looking, you've either gone broke or somebody is pregnant.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: The second one.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Toh, Alhamdulillah. Congratulations.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Congratulations ke? We don't even like each other.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Who's "we"?</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Me and you.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Oh... true sha.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: We literally fight over everything.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Because you're annoying.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Says the woman carrying my child.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Don't use the baby to dodge facts.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Kai wallahi... this life no balance.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Which life? The same life where you said, "<em>If I see you again, I'll cross to the other side of the road."</em></p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: I meant it.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Yet somehow... you crossed into my life instead.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Ba dai...</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Don't "Ba dai" me.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: I still don't understand how enemies became co-parents.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Temporary network issue.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Network issue?</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Yes. Common sense lost signal for one night.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Kai Allah...</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Leave Allah out of this. Both of us pressed <strong><em>"I Agree</em></strong>" without reading the terms and conditions.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Haba!</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Haba yourself.</p><p><br/></p><p>You called me "problem."</p><p><br/></p><p>Now your problem has a heartbeat.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Omo...</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Sorry... <em>Yaro</em>.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: We can't stay in one room for ten minutes.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: But apparently we survived the most important ten minutes.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Wallahi, don't remind me.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Why? You want to edit history?</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: I just don't know how we'll raise this child.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Easy.</p><p><br/></p><p>Whenever the baby cries...</p><p><br/></p><p>We'll pause our argument.</p><p><br/></p><p>Feed the baby.</p><p><br/></p><p>Then continue from where we stopped.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Kai! You're impossible.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: And you're the father.</p><p><br/></p><p>Silence.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: So... you still hate me?</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Every morning.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Every afternoon?</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Especially then.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Every night?</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Depends...</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: Depends on what?</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Whether you remembered to buy shawarma on your way home.</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>BigDan</strong>: 😂😂😂</p><p><br/></p><p><strong>Nimmatt</strong>: Don't laugh too much. Diapers are expensive.</p><p><br/></p><p>---</p><p><br/></p><p>Life is funny.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes, the people who say<strong><em> "I never want to see you again</em></strong>" somehow end up arguing over baby names.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe love isn't always loud.</p><p><br/></p><p>Maybe responsibility is louder.</p><p><br/></p><p>Or maybe...</p><p><br/></p><p>As every Northern auntie would simply say:</p><p><em><br/></em></p><p><strong><em>"Allah ya kyauta."</em></strong></p><p><br/></p><p>Because if hatred truly stopped people from having children...</p><p><br/></p><p>Nigeria's population would be much, much smaller.</p>
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