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16
WHAT DO I CALL YOU?
<p>I still don't know what to call you.</p><p><br/></p><p>Calling you my Ex feels strange because we never really had the kind of ending that makes the word feel right. But calling you my boyfriend feels strange too, because somewhere between the conversations that became shorter and the days that became quieter, we stopped being what we used to be.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes I want to call you my lover, because there was a time when your name felt safe in my mouth. You were the person I wanted to tell everything to. The one I could talk to for hours and still find something else to say.</p><p><br/></p><p>Sometimes I want to call you my friend, because maybe that's the only thing we can still be. But even that feels difficult when friendship comes with memories that refuse to behave like memories.</p><p><br/></p><p>Then there are days when I wonder if I should simply call you the one that got away.</p><p><br/></p><p>Not because you were perfect. You weren't. Neither was I. But there was something between us that felt worth keeping, and perhaps that's why letting go has been so hard.</p><p><br/></p><p>I have asked myself so many questions.</p><p><br/></p><p>Should I still call you when something reminds me of you? Should I stop myself from typing your name? Should I wait for you to come back, or should I finally accept that maybe you're not coming?</p><p><br/></p><p>Do we still have a future hiding somewhere between all this uncertainty?</p><p><br/></p><p>Or should I call this the end?</p><p><br/></p><p>The truth is, I don't know.</p><p><br/></p><p>And maybe that's what hurts the most.</p><p><br/></p><p>Not losing you completely, but being stuck somewhere between having you and having to let you go.</p><p><br/></p><p>So for now, I won't give you a name.</p><p><br/></p><p>I'll just call you someone I loved.</p><p><br/></p><p>And maybe, one day, that will be enough.</p><p><br/></p><p><br/></p>
4
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