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66
About 241 messages........
<p>I open my eyes slightly as I feel my roommate gets up from the bed. I suppress a groan. I decide to go back to sleep for a few more minutes but can't as I can feel her bustling about the room. </p><p>So I lie there , my eyes closed wondering if it's all worth it. After a few brief moments of contemplating my life choices and what led me up to this moment , I finally sit up and begin to search for my phone.</p><p> I find it and had already opened it as I released I didn't even pray before looking for my phone. I groaned and filed that away saying I would do that tomorrow. I know I won't. I need to change that habit. </p><p>I open WhatsApp and messages begin pouring in. I look at the messages squinting - I don't have my glasses on - and groaned. A particular group chat has about 241 unread messages. I clicked on it and as I rapidly scrolled past the messages I couldn't help but wonder. Most of the people here I don't know or barely know. I can't hold a single conversation with any of them. I wondered if I were to be gone or left the group unannounced one day would anyone notice? I doubt they would. I sighed. What a wonderful way to start a morning. </p><p>However I continued to scroll through my WhatsApp and saw I was in numerous groups and all had varying numbers of unread messages and always in the hundreds. None of the people in those groups knew anything about me,my likes of dislikes or even how I looked or sounded like. I could die today and they wouldn't feel anything. </p><p>Sometimes I do try to socialise on the groups , to try and make known my existence but I think it's for naught. I think , rather I know what I give them is performative. An illusion of a person I would like to be , a person to be remembered even when they haven't spoken in a while.</p><p> I stared into my phone as I contemplated this and many more until my roommate jostled me, reminding me we were already late. So I set down my phone, thinking what a sad and terrible life this is - that I was living - What a drag I also thought , a truly terrible way to start a morning as I got ready for school thinking about those 241 messages knowing not one was about me or was written in thought of me. </p><p><br/></p>
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