BEFORE YOU MET ME - by Betty Liss

The rain had stopped, but Haejoo was still standing by the window. Jimin sat on the edge of the sofa, staring at the photograph between them. It was from two years ago. They were smiling in it. Really smiling. Haejoo had her hair tied messily, wearing the old sweater Jimin used to love. Her eyes were brighter then. She looked like someone who wasn't afraid to be herself. Jimin picked up the photograph. "You were happy here." Haejoo didn't turn around. "I was." He swallowed. "Do you ever miss her?" She finally looked at him. "Who?" "The Haejoo you were before you met me." She said nothing. The question had been sitting inside Jimin for months. He had watched her change little by little. She stopped singing while cooking because he once told her she was too loud. She stopped wearing bright clothes because he said they didn't suit her. She stopped seeing some of her friends because he didn't like how they talked about their relationship. And every time she became smaller, he told himself they were just learning how to love each other. But now, looking at that photograph, he understood. He hadn't helped her grow. He had slowly taught her how to disappear. "I'm sorry," he whispered. Haejoo looked away. "For what?" "For making you feel like you had to become someone else to be loved by me." Her eyes filled with tears. "You didn't ask me to change all at once." Jimin lowered his head. "I know." "You just kept telling me what would make us better." Her voice shook. "So I kept changing things." He looked at her. "And did it make us better?" Haejoo gave him a tired smile. "No." That one word hurt more than he expected. Jimin stood and walked toward her, but stopped before he could touch her. For once, he didn't try to fix anything. "I thought loving you meant becoming part of your life," he said. "Somewhere along the way, I started thinking it meant shaping your life." A tear slipped down Haejoo's cheek. "I loved you, Jimin." "I know." "I still do." He closed his eyes. That was the part that broke him. Because there was still love between them. It just wasn't enough to make staying right. Haejoo picked up her coat and walked to the door. Jimin wanted to ask her to stay. He wanted to promise he would change, but he knew promises had become another way of keeping her there. So he only said, "I hope you find her again." Haejoo stopped. "Who?" "The girl in that photograph." She looked at him for a long moment, then smiled. Not the smile she had learned to give him. Her own. Then she walked out. Jimin stayed by the window until her footsteps disappeared. He looked down at the photograph again and ran his thumb over her face. She had been happy then. Not because life was easier., not because he was better, but because she had been herself. And the saddest part was knowing that the person he loved most was the person he had slowly taught to disappear. Sometimes, you don't lose someone because they stopped loving you. Sometimes, you lose them because loving you made them forget how to love themselves.

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